Match Day Thread West Ham v Hull City

Ooooh Phelan in a Vivienne Westward jumper... thats just so wrong....!!!...

 

Specially with those Alexander McQueen jeggings .

 

The fact you know what jeggings are, worries me

 

the whole management set up is a fiasco and an insult

and yet the team are playing so well under these circumstances and have nothing to show for it but 20th position

What more can you ask from Phelan and the players?

He's made mistakes but he's clearly learning and motivating them, the sad truth is Hull City has a mountain to climb now and Ehab isn't holding the ladder

 

Timing is everything

 

It's all a bit too orchestrated there with the bubble machines and gorbloimey cockney sing-a-long.
Touch of the Dick Van Dykes.

 

Cosmo Smallpiece?

 

Isnt that Ehab??

 

Arf.

 

Didn't realise my sig was so prophetic.

 

Carragher said on MNF that we fully deserved to win the game and the penalty shouldn't have been given. He does fear that we can't consistently play as well as that because we don't score enough goals.

 

In Latin "hull city" translates to "never scores enough goals"

 

Can we stay up on plaudits instead of points?

 

I'll email the Premier League to ask.

 

cc'd reply..

Dear Hull City/Tigers (delete as appropriate),

If you wish to accept the points awarded by expert predictor Mark Lawrenson instead of your actual points then we are delighted to confirm that you will be awarded the grand total of 10.

You will thus be relegated,

Best regards,

Paul Merson

 

That's a fabrication. I have it on good authority this is the actual letter

Dear Ehab,

as there seems to be some confusion over the status of your club and it's temporary place in the Premier League, I'd like to remind you
of our agreement we reached in July 2016

a) The PL would turn a blind eye to the lack of concessions on your ticketing policy and re-branding by stealth to your favoured Hull Tigers,
even though they contravene PL rules.
b) In exchange for relaxing the above rules, you have agreed to accept relegation in May 2017. Although this may be confirmed
before this date. Easter preferably.
c) For relegation to be certain, we will instruct referees to be biased against your club at every opportunity. Especially in awarding dubious
penalties against you. If we find that your players try and gain an advantage by 'diving' we will ensure a soft penalty is awarded against
you the following week. We may even covertly increase the width of the goalposts your team is attacking in certain circumstances.
d) You may keep all the TV revenue from this season and subsequent parachute payments and spend as you seem fit. However you
or your family must never ever be part of the PL again.

The above will ensure that Hull City, whilst under your ownership, will concede their place to a more deserving and bigger club like Newcastle,
Aston Villa or Wolves. But not Leeds, our agreement we made with Mr Ridsdale some years ago is still binding.

Yours
The Premier League

 

Match report from CI

REPORT: West Ham United 1-0 Hull City
West Hammmm 0 v 1 City

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Hammered...


Pubs, Swear Words, Stewards and The Allams!!

“Is that a West Ham scarf?” I politely asked a dad and his youngster as I collected my tray from the security scanning machine at Dublin Airport. The young lad beamed with pride and his dad answered in the affirmative. “We’re off to see us beat Hull City”, the youngster added helpfully. Thus so started a most enjoyable chin-wag as we made our way along the busy shopping areas and towards my breakfast of what we refer to as a “Full Irish”.

Naturally, our chat eventually got around to those two…you know the ones…those Mesolithic toxic two twat things allegedly in charge at or club (apologies for being nasty to the Mesolithic people by the way). “Wanted to change your name didn’t he?” the dad inquired…but more of the Allams later. Oh alright then, we may as well have a laugh at them here as well as later. First of all, it was bloody good to know that the basic stupidity and horribleness of the Allams was well known in the ranks of West Ham fans flying from Dublin. “Why don’t they just leave, the eejits?” the dad asked.

Oh yes fellow City fans, one day it will happen and there will be much rejoicing in the City-state of Hull. These two incredibly pathetic individuals, that are doing their best to destroy our club, deserve every bit of ridicule that can be dumped upon their asinine heads. Yes, it has been much repeated and yes, we all know their sins but it has to be stated again and again lest people forget.

Also, the message of their attempts to spread decay and disease in the body City has still not got out to all. So, as we approach the end of another year in supporting our beloved Tigers (that’s our Tigers and not your *untish Allam Tigers Mr Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber!!) here’s a brief reminder of their actions:

Battle with the council and sulk when they couldn’t get the stadium for next to nowt!
Calling fans hooligans (including my Mam)
Pathetic change name *hite.
Major sulks when lost name change *hite.
Pathetic appeal.
Another attempt at name change *hite despite being warned off by the FA.
Refusal to hold a ballot on name change due to knowing would lose.
Holding a loaded ballot.
Promising to release details of ballot. We’re still waiting.
Zapping community groups from the Airco (able and disabled).
Telling porkies to fans’ liaison groups.
Moving fans out of seats.
Disgusting “die” comments. Definitely not nice wishing fans to not be alive.
Disgusting refusal to apologise for disgusting “die” comments.
Pathetic membership scheme.
Zapping pensioners’ concessions.
Zapping kiddies’ concessions.
Pathetic rebranding sulk.
Pathetic badge.
Dodging media interviews.
Pathetic use of PL away funds (spent on other teams’ fans!!)
Non-engagement with fans.
Insulting “Earn Your Stripes” crap.
Price rises.
Ticket office fiasco.
Entrance to games fiasco.
Pathetic avoidance of fans by not being brave enough to attend.
Dictatorial towards any criticism (please see banning of John Oxley)
Longest definition of 24 hours. (Please note this issupposed to be a man of his word)
Etc, etc ad nauseum
(Note to self: enough of these pompous goons for a bit, but only for a bit)

Anyway, as our leader Nash has already mentioned City lined up with a 3-5-1-1 formation or was it 5 – 3 - 1 – 1. Doesn’t really matter to be honest because the fact remains is that City lined up so as to have a go by employing wing-backs and a defeat was definitely not deserved.

Unfortunately, the perennial problem of failing to score again came back to bite us on the bum and, in all fairness, Dieumerci Mbokani should have scored instead of hitting the cross bar. Robertson also hit the post as did West Hammmite Noble but City were to pay yet again for a failure to convert chances into goals. Big Tom was adjudged to have brought down Antonio and referee Mason broke City hearts by pointing to the spot and of course the penalty was duly converted by Noble (76 mins). Well, I knew the penalty had gone in because the cockney types started to make a bit of noise but I had no idea who took the penalty as I allowed my eyes to actually focus on the field of play as opposed to watching most of the game on the big screen.

Ah yes, the Olympic Stadium eh? The theatre of dreams and endless memories of the 2012 games run through as we recall those glorious days. Yes indeed, it’s a fine stadium but it is ABSOLUTELY NOT a football stadium. One remembers the outer stratosphere of watching a game from the heavens in Geordie land but the OS is even worse. In this case it’s as if you are not really watching it in the OS but from somewhere about 30 miles away. (Note to Mrs Dubs: binoculars for Xmas please). Or, to put it another way, actually seeing the ball at West Hammmm’s ground is as difficult as finding a working brain cell in an Allam!! (More on these clowns later).

Miserably, the Olympic Stadium experience is not just underwhelming from a viewing perspective. The stewarding is quite simply a farce with silent robots gesturing and indicating opposite directions in a multitude showing of various throes of boredom and unhelpfulness. (Note to the dictionary folks: a synonym for unhelpfulness is Olympicsatdiumstewardtwits).

Also, I nearly got kicked out of the bloody place for allegedly using the “c” word. Yes, that’s the one, the one with a “t” at the end and a “un” before that. Bloody cheek of this steward who may or may not have been a member of London’s finest. A mad dash towards our position and a stern warning on the English language was uttered by this cretin of an unctuous gombeen. So, for the record, I did not and do not use this word. I may have said “caaaant” in my best cockney speak but then again so did half the ****ing stadium.

Also, half of bloody London uses the thing and that’s even more of a truism in the pubs. Mind you, our group seemed to find it hard to get a pub in the Liverpool St area. Why my mates, whether it’s Hullites, wider GB or indeed Irish based, always…and I mean ALWAYS…have to dick about looking for the perfect pub I just don’t know.

So, after finding a Wetherspoons near Bank Tube stop and after getting confiscated beer back, we all ended up in a right nice boozer named the Sugarloaf. Nash and his cousin, the latter eminently far more sensible than our leader himself, got in a chat with two Charlton fans. The copious ills of being a Charlton fan were being lucidly downloaded until the trump of all trump cards was played by Nash: yes, the infamous disgusting “die” comments were offered as a riposte to the happenings at Charlton. Game, set and match to Nash and his cousin. It’s official, we do top the league in the disgusting owners league. As the Charton lads stated,”…fackinghell, caaants, facking caaants, the caaants…”

Now, before I continue with my scribe, a few apologies and a few thanks. My apologies for a belated report and a bit of a shorter one than initially intended but I’m not long back from an absolutely spiffing day of shopping with Mrs Dubs…aaarrrggghhh! My thanks to the work of HCST and all those who are doing their best to rid us of this toxic sewerage that have gate crashed our club. My thanks to my beloved Mrs Dubs who has the patience to put up with my shows of omniscience. A true trooper!!

My thanks to my City mates (new and old) who have made supporting City even more fun! Excellent people. And a final apology, well it’s not an apology actually but an observation. This match report isn’t much of a match report in the strictly footy sense but rather an observation on the day’s events at West Hammm and other things more generic involving City. Hence, it would be amiss to not vent the by now nearly unanimous verdict on the Allam Regime and thus this entails my final remarks for this report.

So what do we finally say to the Allams, these goonish bully boys who are still in our club? It does appear, that yes, these two non-entities who live in an Allam bubble seem to have no desire to protect their family’s name and reputation. They seem to equate power and money with the word humanity. Their actions appear to signify a complete non-understanding of what it means to be a football fan or a City fan or somebody other than a “them”,ie. rich and powerful.

So Mr A, who looked after you when you were sick? Who will educate your grandkids? Who do you ring if your house is robbed? Yes, you ring people. People doing their jobs; people who may not be as wealthy as you but people who have empathy. People, like the dad and his son at Dublin Airport, who care about other people and see them as relevant and worthy of respect no matter their background, education or wealth. And this is why the Allams and their ilk will always eventually lose.

They are not like Cheats who travels from Singapore to watch City games; they are not like Andy, Glen, “Honest” Richard, Nash, Ian Indo, Big Kev, Tony, Paul, Alison and all the others who travel far and wide. They are not like Sunn, who served his country and now finds he can’t go due to the toxic nature of the Allam regime. They are not like Exiled and his smashing family who travel the length and breadth of the land to follow City, see mates and have a laugh with other humans.

The Allams are a disgrace to their family, their city, and the club. More importantly, they are a disgrace to the very essence of what it means to be a human, and that is to respect your fellow man and woman.

Happy holidays to all and a have a great 2017.

Dubs
#Allamsout