Like most people, I like to do something a little different at the weekend. On Saturdays I become Jewish, because that's their day of rest. On Sundays I become Christian, because that's their day of rest. Then for the remainder of the week, I go back to being a Scouser.
Accordion to a recent survey, 95% of people won't notice if you replace a word with a musical instrument.
Why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist? Because they could have easily fitted in another pair of tits there.
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. "Blimey," the bus driver said, "that"s the ugliest baby I"ve ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed. The man sympathised and said, "He"s a public servant! He shouldn"t say things to insult passengers." "You"re right!" she said. "I think I"ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That"s a good idea," the man agreed. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
