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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #33041
  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #33042
  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I see Yoko Ono is going into the jungle on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

    She'll be good. She's managed to live off a beatle for 30 years….
     
    #33044
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    This kid looks more like Ed Sheeran than Ed Sheeran does.
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    #33045
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Police pulls over Paddy for speeding
    "have you been drinking Sir?" Paddy replies
    "yes officer i've had about 18 pints, 2 bottles of hooch and 6 bacardi and cokes."
    Police says
    "what the hell are you doing driving ??"
    Paddy replies
    "I couldn't fu#kin walk''
     
    #33047
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #33048
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    BBC breaking news: Women can now serve in ALL roles in the Armed Forces.

    In other news, all reverse gears from British tanks have been removed.
     
    #33049
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles.

    If they are on your shoulders she probably likes you.
     
    #33051
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #33052
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    STORY OF THE DAY -
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    George Best on Puskás: “I was with (Bobby) Charlton, (Denis) Law and Puskás, we were coaching a football academy in Australia. The youngsters did not respect Puskás, including making fun of his weight and age. We decided to let the guys challenge a coach to hit the crossbar 10 times in a row, obviously, they picked the old large guy. Dennis Law asked the kids how many they thought the old large coach would get out of ten. Most said less than five. I
    said ten. The old large guy stepped up and hit nine in a row. For the tenth shot, he scooped the ball in the air, bounced it off both shoulders and his head, then flicked it over with his heel and cannoned the ball off the crossbar on the volley. They all stood in silence, shocked, then one kid asked who he was, I replied, "To you, his name is Mr. Puskás".
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Millwall in the 20s, my grandad is the one in the hat.
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    #33056
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  17. antipodean exile

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    #33057
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  19. antipodean exile

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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    !! BREAKING NEWS !! Luke Shaw back in training at Manchester United

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    #33060
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