My wife called and said "I want to find you naked when I get home from work" I'll be honest, I feel a bit awkward sat here with her mother.....
A fella stopped me in the town this morning wanting to put an end to ivory hunting. I said to him “I have no opinion on it” and tried to walk away. He then asked, “But would you endorse it??” I said, “They don’t have elephants in Dorset!!”
My girlfriend has left me because she says I'm so old fashioned. I'll wager a shilling she's courting a chap who's a scoundrel....
I asked singer Elkie Brooks if I could guess the name of her dog. She said "Okay-but you're a fool if you think its Rover"
My wife is leaving me because she says I'm obsessed with supermarkets. I asked if she wanted any help packing her bags......
Jurgen Kloop wanted to say goodbye personally to every Liverpool Fan with a Merseyside postcode............ please log in to view this image
Sir Tom Jones is still reeling that his reworking of Delilah wasn't chosen to represent The UK in The Eurocrud Freak Contest. His refusal to wear a Rainbow coloured Tutu, Pink wellies and have a Daffodil stuck up his backside, was thought to be the main reason he wasn't considered! But I suppose that these days....it's not unusual! please log in to view this image
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business . Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia. Ruled by a pair of nuts!
