The HAIG vs PISKIE bet thread

^^^^^ team shameless.

 

Say what you like about us, but we wont be caught starring at our broucheres

 

Mate this isn't Neighbours. It's a gritty fly on the wall documentary into the the lives a white trash holiday. Think of it as a cross between Coach trip and Benefits street.

 

Nothing better than a misspelt attempt to correct a typo

 

I'll have a crack at it.

 

Except I was using yours and Tobes typos. #notallaboutyou

 

"Have you read any good books lately?" Asked Mrs HAIG, "I could do with something for the holiday."

HAIG racked his brain frantically to think when I last read a proper book. The trouble with working in a law firm is that reading in your spare time is a bit like being a dustman and snuffling through the pig bin in the evening. I'm halfway through 50 shades of HAIG by luvgonzo which PIXIE lent me it's pure homo erotic filth which hits the spot.

"Ah. Really?" she said. "I read that when it first came out. Didn't you find there was rather a lot of special fisting?"

"Oh, well, not too much ...," HAIG said wildly, racking his brains for a way to get off the subject.

 

Clearly I'm not pedantic enough to go trawling through everybody's comments.

 

Frustrated by the fact that HIAG had only brought homoerotic literature on their holiday, Mrs HIAG thumbed through the leaflets left on the fold out dining table in the caravan. But the idea of spending her holiday playing crazy golf and going on donkey rides left her unimpressed. 'That ****ing donkey tries to ride me all the time when we're at home, I didn't come all the way to Levy's caravan site to suffer the same fate' she thought.

Concerned by the look of disgust and disdain on his wife's face. HIAG suddenly realised he had to offer this woman something special or risk her spending her holiday trying to chat up the spotty students flipping burgers at the holiday park burger bar.

'I've got something special planned for you love' HIAG nervously announced. 'Really ? I what is it ?' She replied. 'I have arranged for you to go .... Wait for it ... for a trip on a helicopter'. Suddenly Mrs HIAG was all ears. 'And not just that' said HIAG 'but I have specially arranged for the helicopter to come to our caravan park to pick you up'. 'Wow, where are we going ?' said Mrs HIAG. 'It's a secret' HIAG replied 'all will be revealed'

Mrs HIAG was thrilled, finally her wet fish of a husband had come up trumps and delivered a gift of suitable magnitude. 'When do we leave !' She said excitedly. 'Right now. Come with me' said HIAG. Off the couple went, and made their way to the bright lights of club Levy's Funtime bar. There staring her in the face outside of the amusement arcade was a little pink plastic helicopter. 'It's only 50p per ride' HIAG gleefully announced. 'And if you like it, you can go twice !'

With that Mrs HIAG snatched the 50p that HIAG was holding aloft in his hand and shoved it right .................

 

Masterful squire. Its like reading Lady Chatterleys lover and a huge phallus remake

 

........into her cavernous purse, mumbling 'your an abject failure as a husband'. HIAG watching how deeply the 50p was thrusted in and this took his mind back to another cavernous place of 'death valley' proportions to where big headed Jnr HIAG had once been expelled and there was no way this holiday he had plans on revisiting.

Mrs HIAG still furious over the disappointment of the helicopter episode had a face that would sour a milk float. HIAG was no stranger to that look and racked his brain for something that might lighten her mood? 'I have it' exclaimed HIAG we have some time to kill before the caberet at club Levy I've arranged for us to go shooting.

Mrs HIAG's mind briefly slipped back to the heady days pre Jnr HIAG where they would go shooting together and briefly it was as a grimace was replaced by a scowl..........

 

Well, this threads taken a wrong turning at some point. And it's resulting in school story games

 

Brilliant.

 

^^^^^ cant add onto the story.

Rejected.

 

I find the assumption someone married him amusing, unless he helped an illegal get a passport, and paid her the 20k

 

Why hasn't @Hoddle Is A God changed his avatar yet ?

 

He is waiting till you've got something or someone else to obsess about before he does in order that your life doesn't become meaningless.
This means HIAG is looking after you...this shows that true friendship can be found on the net!

 

That's very sporting of you to stick up for him. You'll have earned your place on team dildo with that bit of arse licking

 

You are always talking about Arsenal, defending Arsene Wenger, and tell everyone they are arse licking ... I think it's safe for HIAG to assume that he can change his avatar as you arse obsession is strong enough to get you through.

Anyhow I do not lick arses...I just give a peck on the cheek