The Daily Arsenal

You misundertand me, Stan. My return is ten-fold what my fees would have been.

The GDV on our latest project is around £1.3 million, with net costs standing at around £700,000. I take 50% of the net profit, which (as I am sure you will appreciate) will stand me in a far greater sum than the conveyancing+plot scheme costs.

 

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This seems to have spiralled into Hiag's personal life.

They are like the paparazzi, after your blood.

What did you do them Hiag?

 

HIAG's caption on his profile should be changed from 'rock god' to 'land baron'

 

Gotcha, so rather than pay you a few grand on conveyancing he's gifted you £300k.

By the way, that's an 85% return on cost. Forget Barratt, your man should be running the country as most developers target between 18% and 35% depending on scheme size and location (the more desirable the location, the skinnier the returns).

Either you've got your numbers wrong or, possibly, maybe, perchance, you're talking out of your battered hole again.

Oh well HIAG, onto the next fairytale!

 

Time to get the popcorn in

munch munch

 

Yep.

Ah! The penny has finallly dropped, methinks! Now you understand why my building partner wants me in on his deals! I have very good IP contacts - the best, in fact. It's not just a matter of what you know, Stan.

 

Stan is an embittered pretender. I come across his type all the time. It's no skin off my nose what he wants to believe. He seems to need to make me out to be a failure or a fake, to make himself feel better. The fact is, I'm a heavyweight at what I do, which is why I can spot a lightweight at 100 paces.

Still, this is good sport.

 

53.8% actually. But, nearly right.

It's a good thing you're not the brains in your outfit! Oh, wait! You are! ****!

 

And eventually Stan will have you asking "why are you doing this to me Stan?" as trying to maintain your latest fantasy becomes too stressful.

I know this because we've been there before HIAG.

To be fair I think you could at least put some effort into your research to try and come across as partially credible!

 

I have many developer clients, and you don't come across to me as someone who develops. If you do, you are very new to it, and one of those gobshite types who, because he's bought a second house to do up, thinks he knows everything there is to know about building and construction. You don't, that much is very, very clear to me.

 

700k cost
1.3m GDV
= 600k profit

profit divided by cost
600k divided by 700k
85%

You seem to have divided the cost by the GDV.

The GDV isn't the return, the profit is the return.

It's how investors benchmark whether something is a good investment. How much am I putting in and what return am I getting on my investment.

 

I don't develop. I've made that clear several times. I secure land, get planning and sell to developers. I know their margins and models as it's how I get to a residual value and ensure that I don't sell and give them an 85% return, that's my money!

That was my line about your granny's flat. At least try and be original if not accurate!

Don't worry, you'll get something right eventually!

 

Wow and there's me thinking that HIAG's **** up over him saying Spurs took 6 points off of Arsenal this season was poor maths.

He's been turned inside out on this one.

 

On this particular project, we are looking to buy for around £300k (directly from the charge holder) and at less than half of what our lender will value it. Its going to cost us approximately £400k to build (including the costs of finance, and other costs and charges). The lender will give us 65% of the actual value of the project (£600k x 65% = £390,000). We only need £300k for the purchase. The lender will fund 100% of the build costs (approx £350k).

Looking at the figures again, I am being overly generous with the GDV. It's more likely that we'll make £1.1m in sales, but it is currently a rising marking, so you never know.

If you're taking the net profit as a percentage of the acquisition + build costs, then, yes, that will be higher, naturally. In this case (and viewing it conservatively, as I say), that's £400k/£700k x 100 = 43%

 

So, you're an estate agent. Big deal.

 

Christ alive! Dumber's turned up, now!

 

I'm just sitting back relaxing watching you make a fool of yourself

 

Nope, we've been through this before. I secure land ie it comes into my control/ownership, I secure planning and then sell it on to developers. It's a very straightforward concept and it's the second time you've failed to understand it, which is odd given your expertise!