Photoshop/Jokes/GIF Thread

Don't make him laugh, it might fall off

 

I saw two blokes walk into a Camouflage shop, never seen them come out.

 

Chat up line #54

Bloke: "You remind me of my little toe.
Girl: [giggling] "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
Bloke: "No. It's because I'm going to be banging you on my coffee table in about two hours."

Guaranteed to work every time, lads.

 

Bad enough the Germans reserving sun beds with a towel but reserving a whole ski slope with an aeroplane is going too far!

 

100 Billion barrels of ex-oil baron found in South East England at Stamford Bridge. Researcher say this is a significant find and is larger than reserves found previously in the North. The North of the country though will continue to rely on a Middle Eastern supply.

 

I was sent this by a non-footie Turkish friend living in the US. This guy asks an MMO question in manchester united forum by mistake. Somebody posts appropriate response.


I just dinged 100 on my first character, what's some things I can do and what should I do first?

https://np.reddit.com/r/reddevils/c...on_my_first_character_whats/csrujon?context=3

Basically his fantasy character reached level 100. People type 'Ding' in game chat when they gain a level. You get points to level up by fighting Boss Characters. Football kit becomes armour, the league becomes a multiplayer 'raid' battle.

 

The teacher tells the class that they're going to learn more advanced grammar.

Teacher: "Can someone give me an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny immediately raises his hand, and without waiting to be asked, in his loudest and proudest voice, he shouts: "Mas-tur-bate, miss!"

The teacher blushes, and doesn't know how to react.

Teacher: "Oh, my, Johnny! That's a mouthful!"

Little Johnny: "No, you're thinking of "blow-job," miss!"

 

Girl asks handsome man his name In a club and he's says 'my name is Uni bond'. She says don't you mean James Bond? He says no, I'm here to fill your crack.

 

Jim fixed it for the Spuds.

 

It's a photoshop jobbie.

There is a copy of the exact same photo with your mate, Ozzie, wearing a 'Pool kit.

 

It's a joke hiag enjoy!

 

I cannot enjoy Savile, mate.

I always knew the bloke was a nonce.

The thought of the fcuker putting on the sacred lily-white of my beloved Spurs sickens me to the pit of my stomach.

It must be the same for you, when you heard the story about that speccy MP fella who shagged that Italian bird in a full Chelsea kit? Of did you manage to rub one out, when you heard about that?

 

Agreed Saville was a despicable pervert who used connections and money for unspeakable acts.

As for Mellor at least he was a Chelsea fan that prefered his birds alive.

 

...and with a full bush, Ozzie.

 

I thought bloody hell he did well for himself considering his face and all the blubber he carried. All in all a worthy wearer of the 'sacred' royal blue.

 

Nothing wrong with a bit of bush, like most you go down there and come out with all three points!

 

This ones for you hiag

 

"Now then! Now then! Do you like the hits of Sha-waddy-waddy?"

 

I did until they got radicalised and became Jihaddiwaddy.