off topic and daft, but I liked it

The Government announced today that we're to get a brand new national flag! This will be a picture of a CONDOM, because it more accurately reflects the government 's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're being screwed. It just doesn't get more accurate than that

 

And when it splits they're gonna end up with "egg" on their faces.

 

put me off me poached eggs

 

Good one Syd