Hello all! First post on these forums & just thought I would bring up the subject of new players setting into the Premier League when they come from abroad. This has got me thinking about the many great players down the years that do well in other leagues but just can't seem to settle down with the English lifestyle. Seems that Carlos Tevez is now the most recent of these, albeit that may well be down to family matters. Do any other fans think that clubs could possibly test foreign players, maybe in negotiation stage, as to their likelyhood to settle down into the English way of life? I've devised a little multiple choice questionaire that could possibly save clubs multi-millions on failed foreign imports. Please have a browse over & tell me what you all think. Question 1 Your team has just won an important game & you want to go celebrate the occasion, would you a) Go to the pub with your friends, get pissed & have a good sing song b) Go home & quietly revel in the occassion c) Drive round & round in cirlces for hours in a Fiat Punto blasting your horn whilst your mates hang out of the windows roaring at people Question 2 You feel a bit peckish in between meals & fancy a snack, would you a) Ignore your hunger & stick to a solid diet created to keep you in peak physical condition b) Make a cup of tea & have a few biscuits with it c) Invite a dozen of your friends round, eat snails, frogs & a huge block of cheese whilst smoking rollies & getting pissed on 20 litres of red wine Question 3 It's your best friends turn to sing in a karioke contest at your local pub, would you show your support by a) Standing & clapping at the end of your friends performance b) Sit stone faced, unflinching as if you've just copped a quick look of Medussa c) Take your top off, put on a pair of sun glasses & brandish a giant rubber hand whilst shouting "woooooh! Yeah! Wooooh!" & jump into tables at random knocking everyones drinks over Question 4 Your getting to the age where you've been there, done that & want to settle down with that someone special. To try & find that person would you a) Go down the town, get drunk & pull the first bird that submits to your advances b) Join a dating website knowing fine well that any pictures posted by other members will be an airbrushed best picture possible, not truely reflecting the grotesque physical manifestation they truely are. c) It doesn't really matter as your going to marry your cousin & have a couple of schoolgirls groomed to keep you ticking over Question 5 Your out for a walk one pleasant summers day & see a girl you really fancy, would you a) Make eye contact, smile & say hello b) Look away shyly & pretend something in the distance has caught your attention c) Smother a full tin of Brylcream on your head then follow her with ten of your mates on scooters for an hour & a half whilst shouting obscenities Question 6 You are the owner of a small fast food takeaway & a bunch of rowdy lads come in who have clearly been on the drink. Would you handle the situation by a) Keep an eye on them & tell them to keep it down if need be b) Immediately panick & phone the police c) Shout unbelivebly fast in your native tongue, jump over the counter & flying kick one of the lads in the head then proceed to stand doing the web of death technique with a couple of meat cleavers Question 7 You are driving along one day when a car pulls out in front of you causing you to break fast, would you a) Beep your horn to show the other driver your a bit pissed off b) Just shake your head to yourself & drive on c) Screech infront of the other drivers car, jump out then stand banging your fists on the bonnet shouting "Bastardo! Bastardo!" Question 7 Your walking through the Bridges doing a bit of shopping when you notice a queue, upon investigating you see a girl giving away free promotional bars of chocolate. Would you a) Quietly stand in line & wait your turn to get one b) Walk on as your not really interested c) Go away & return with all of your family & friends then all charge forward knocking people to the ground & trampling all over them whilst grabbing everything you can before proceeding to run away Question 8 Your on a trip out to London one day & decide to pop into a pizza shop for a bite to eat but theres quite a few people waiting already, would you a) Place an order & wait until your food is done b) Have a look elsewhere as you dont want to wait c) Shout "This is my hood mother f*****s" & randomly spray bullets about with your Uzi 9mm that you just happen to be carrying with you Question 9 The half time whistle has gone & your team is 3 - 0 down. You head back to the dressing room & contemplate what you should do to turn things around, would you a) Try your best to pick the lads up & rouse them into a fight back b) Your not bothered as some bloke you met in a hotel with a saggy face, like he was a wax work that had a blow torch held to it for a few seconds, gave you a brown paper bag with money in it to cause trouble & move to his club in the next transfer window. c) Hang your captain from a lamp post then change sides in the second half to ensure your on the winning team Question 10 You arrive at the training ground a little early & need something to occupy your time for fifteen minutes, would you a) Sit on the bog a read the paper b) Start to do your warm up exercises as your raring to get started c) Spend the next fifteen minutes shaking hands with your team mates, hugging them & kissing them on both cheeks as if you've never seen them for years Well thats it. Ten simple questions that IMO could save our club & many others millions of pounds on failed foreign transfers.
I was in Glasgow Central station one time & there were three young lasses giving away razors, seriously.
