Things ye dae mad wae it

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Get chatting to some bird, offer her a line, find out she's off-duty old bill.

Steal street furniture, wake up and find it in your bedroom.

Aquire various bruises that can't be accounted for.

Get barred out of places you've never even been in.

Urinate on the telly/bedside table/fridge.

Go to the cashpoint 5 times in one night.

Ring your ex up at 3.00am, declare undying love, threaten to kill her new bloke, lose all memory of this conversation.

Put £200 on a greyhound at Sunderland.
 
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Get into a fight and end up ripping/ruining your brand new shirt.

Shag a fat bird up the ****er and wake up with a bit of sweetcorn tucked behind your foreskin.

Run skant nakit round a city block for 3 packets of Spanish Lambert n Butler

Tan a bag of MDMA and try to get into bookies/STD clinic at 4am.

Wake up on the reclining chairs on the boat to Shetland after a weekend bender in Aberdeen.
 
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I woke up on my das stairlift , half way up the stairs , bollock naked

Slept in my shed after losing my key

Wrote racial slurs on 5 car windscreens ... In my street

Jailed in Spain

Bought microwave roasting bags and I didnt have a microwave

Phoned a porn phone line when I still lived at home n fell a sleep

Phoned a channel 5 quiz n won an all expenses paid trip to Washington, D.C.
 
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pud said:
I woke up on my das stairlift , half way up the stairs , bollock naked

Slept in my shed after losing my key

Wrote racial slurs on 5 car windscreens ... In my street

Jailed in Spain

Bought microwave roasting bags and I didnt have a microwave

Phoned a porn phone line when I still lived at home n fell a sleep

Phoned a channel 5 quiz n won an all expenses paid trip to Washington, D.C.
Click to expand...
How much was the phone bill and how was the trip to D.C?
 
Jip Jaap Stam said:
Had hallucinations about being chased by Agent Smith from The Matrix and broke my ankle trying to escape
Click to expand...

<rofl>

An uncle of mine once flipped out, threw a can of coke out the window and then ran out the house screaming.

Turns out the can of coke turned into some monster. The best bit is the house was on a hill and when he ran out the house it "chased him" down it <laugh>

Bad trips are always hilarious.
 
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Put scaffold poles on a train line nearly derailing it.
Drove over a row of tents with people in them.
Won £1500 in a casino and somehow spent it all in heaven <puff club>.
Ran over a van and got chased by cops and arrested.
Destroyed 2 hotel rooms in San Francisco and fighting with hobos.
Knocked out a random black man in Leicester square.
Ordered coke and whores x 50 at least.
Booted the door of an expensive restaurant during a works Christmas party resulting in a full scale fight with Persians.
Went through a car windscreen.
Walked into an orgy and killed the mood resulting in everyone getting dressed.
Went walking about in Spain losing my wedding ring ripping my trousers and got back bruised as **** getting over a 10 ft fence.
Had a fight with a naked man holding a kitchen knife .
Got beaten up by fair people and literally ****ting in my pants .
Walked 5 miles to a 24 hr garage and ended up finding a rave .
Many many more.
 
Take 200 shrooms and go to a Scottish cup semi...and ****ing lose!
Take 5 Amatriptyline and lose 3 days of your life.
Wake up in bed with half the contents of the fridge around you.
Climb up things for no good reason.
Slept in a building site in Seville.
Shag *** ugly burds :emoticon-0119-puke:

And the one everyone does, talk absolute pish :)
 
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