A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Ahmed replied, "****, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunk guys pulled up along side of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouted one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turned to Sister Immaculata, and said, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross!" So Sister Immaculata rolled down her window and shouted, "Screw off ye little fookin ****ers before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Immaculata then looked back at the Mother Superior and asked, "Was that cross enough?"
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel the madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, 'go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, i'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.' the manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. As they are walking home the first man says, 'you know, i think my girl was dead!' 'dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say that?' 'well, she never moved or made a sound all the time i was loving her.' his friend says, 'could be worse i think mine was a witch.' 'a witch ??. . Why the hell would you say that?' 'well, i was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and i gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window..... Took my teeth with her!'
T he children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples..'
