An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
"Mom," he said, "the other boys at school are using two words I don't understand. Can you tell me what they mean?" "Certainly," Mom said. "What are they?" "Pussy and bitch.." Mom inhaled sharply, but recovered quickly. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy." Craig thanked his mother, and ran out the door. But something about his mother's explanation bothered him. So he sought out his father. Dad was in the garage. "Dad," Craig said, "the guys at school are using words I don't understand." "What words, son?" "Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings." "Son, never ask your mother about these things. Ask me. Let me explain what they mean for you. "He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold and drew a circle around the pubic area. "Everything inside the circle is pussy," he said. "Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?" "Everything outside the circle."
A blonde was shopping at Target and Came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, So she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing! I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos! It keeps hot things hot And cold things cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...... soup and an ice cream
