Good point. I could despatch of George in the same way Bricktop got rid of Brad Pitt's mum in the film Snatch? Is this not disrupting the thread?
If I was to dispose of them, I would restrain them solidly on a very sturdy table and position a large mirror directly above it. I would begin by very carefully removing their eyelids, taking extreme caution not to damage their eyes, so that they have no choice but to watch proceedings. Next, I would take a blunt angle grinder and use it to remove the subjects penis with difficulty, before shoving it in their mouth and holding it in place via a very hi-tech bonding agent (ductape). Once the formalities are done with, I would appetise by removing fingernails and toenails one by one with a pair of pliers, before proceeding to remove the teeth. Next I would firmly insert a wide section of hosing into the subject anal canal, then thread through a rusty length of barbed wire through the hosepipe, then very carefuly remove the hosepipe leaving the barbed wire bare inside the anus. The barbed wire would then be tied to a large dogs collar, and a bonio would be thrown to the other side of the room for the dog to chase after and feast on. I believe by this point the life force of the subject would be dropping to dangerously low levels, in which case I would move on to the grand finale. Have an old scrap engine ready on a large engine crane (or any heavy object prepared ready on a tall crank/pulley system) and position the engine directly above the subjects head at a reasonable height. Patiently wait for a minute or so for any swaying to cease, then cut the rope. Take a large bow with a flourish of your cape and a tip of your hat. Job well done.
What sort of dog would you employ and how would you know if it likes Bonio's? Finer details like these could be the undoing of your, otherwise, well devised plan. Think about it eh?
Assuming you got some of your old mates from the Pioneer Corp to put it in, the correct phrase is "had a big H painted on the grass in my back garden"
Good point. My dog hates Bonios. Loves those Tesco Gravy Bones though. Weird I know. But cheaper, so, I'm ok with that. Much like my kids, when growing up, complained I was buying them Penguins (the UNDISPUTED champion biscuit of the school packup) and insisted I get them Tesco's own orange ones. Again, a financial saving, but, seriously, who would willingly and of free mind choose those over a Penguin? Life is such a mystery sometimes. Snodders on the other hand, yeah, I'd take him.
You do, of course, make a very valid point. I think the dog would have to be familiar, and depending on it's dietary preferences having other doggy treats at hand would not be a bad move. It would also have to be a large dog with power to pull the barbed wire against the friction generated by it tearing the innards of the subjects anus, but not so fast it detracts from the pain value. On second thoughts, maybe a smaller dog that would have to stagger it's pulls, staging the removal of the barbed wire into multiple, jerky, slower segments would be preferable and maximise the production output of the procedure. Possibly a spaniel, but with a rottweiler on standby just in case the spaniel isn't capable of generating enough torque to complete the task at paw.
Personally, I think Tesco's/Morrisons own value chocolate digestive bars are one of the best chocolatey snacks going. Nice and simple and a perfect mix of chocolate and biscuit. Hands down better than a penguin.
I'd suggest a terrier. It would start the job with gusto. Then **** off and do what it wanted to do for half an hour whilst you try everything to coax it back to the job in hand. Before finally coming back to finish off yer man with aplomb. Maximum torture. And I've never known one to turn down a Bonio either. Or in fact any edible substance. Greedy bastards. Except mushrooms. They don't like mushrooms.
Orange club as your workaday lunch box biscuit. Tunnocks Caramel Wafer if it was the Queen's birthday or summet. Happy days.
You are both of course drastically wrong. Wagon Wheels are by far the ultimate lunchbox chocolate champion.
Penguin biscuits were ****e. Blue Riband Rockies Breakaway Tunnocks (Chocolate coated) Yo-Yo's Viscount These would all be better placed in a biscuit league table.
Oh come on ffs. Penguins - (the originals) - Thick, solid and chocolaty Blue Riband - Wafery crap. If you like these, when you get a selection box of biscuits, I bet you go for the pink wafers first and not the bourbons or choccy fingers. Rockies - Like Penguin, but smaller, less choccy. Similar quality to the 'Guin, but, less of it. Breakaway - Too thin. Not fulfilling. Tunnocks - Marshmallow? Frig me. No. Even rolling them in coconut doesn't redeem these. Yo-Yo - The round mint things? Friggin hell no. Mint? Its bad enough in ice cream ffs, in a choccy bar, just no. Viscount - See Yo-Yo Wagon Wheels - More a treat than a regular school lunch thing. They are not as good nowadays as they were. Tunnocks, well actually yeah, I do love them, on an equal par with the mighty 'Guin I think. Snodgrass would be a Penguin. No airs and graces, he'd get stuck in for us.
The Penguin is the equivalent of a bourbon biscuit. Too plain, not enough going on. Snodgrass would be a cross between a Breakaway and a Rocky. At best. FACT!
