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RAVENBLACK

RAVENBLACK

Well-Known Member
Jan 21, 2010
24,877
265
63
The Big Smoke
I had pretty much given up on Viz lately as it was desperate at times. Saw the latest one in the newsagent and thought "och what the ****". Was pleasantly surprised. They have still run out of ideas for Top Tips but the letters are priceless. Couldn't stop laughing at this one:-

"What's to stop a footballer flicking the ball up and balancing it on his head like a seal and then his team mates forming a protective circle around him and the whole lot just walking across the opponents goal line? As long as he didn't pass the ball to a team mate nobody would be in an offside position. No opponent could break the protective cordon as that would be a challenge off the ball, nor could they try to kick the ball off his head as that would be a high foot and deemed as dangerous play. It seems absolutely foolproof to me. I understand it will not lead to an exciting game of football but we're going to have to do something to get past the group stage at this summer's World Cup"

Gritley Mews, Nottingham
 
ERINBLACK said:
I had pretty much given up on Viz lately as it was desperate at times. Saw the latest one in the newsagent and thought "och what the ****". Was pleasantly surprised. They have still run out of ideas for Top Tips but the letters are priceless. Couldn't stop laughing at this one:-

"What's to stop a footballer flicking the ball up and balancing it on his head like a seal and then his team mates forming a protective circle around him and the whole lot just walking across the opponents goal line? As long as he didn't pass the ball to a team mate nobody would be in an offside position. No opponent could break the protective cordon as that would be a challenge off the ball, nor could they try to kick the ball off his head as that would be a high foot and deemed as dangerous play. It seems absolutely foolproof to me. I understand it will not lead to an exciting game of football but we're going to have to do something to get past the group stage at this summer's World Cup"

Gritley Mews, Nottingham
Click to expand...

You're really, really old.
 
ERINBLACK said:
I had pretty much given up on Viz lately as it was desperate at times. Saw the latest one in the newsagent and thought "och what the ****". Was pleasantly surprised. They have still run out of ideas for Top Tips but the letters are priceless. Couldn't stop laughing at this one:-

"What's to stop a footballer flicking the ball up and balancing it on his head like a seal and then his team mates forming a protective circle around him and the whole lot just walking across the opponents goal line? As long as he didn't pass the ball to a team mate nobody would be in an offside position. No opponent could break the protective cordon as that would be a challenge off the ball, nor could they try to kick the ball off his head as that would be a high foot and deemed as dangerous play. It seems absolutely foolproof to me. I understand it will not lead to an exciting game of football but we're going to have to do something to get past the group stage at this summer's World Cup"

Gritley Mews, Nottingham
Click to expand...

****in' hell, don't be giving manyoo ideas
 
The letters are easily the best bit.

Whilst eating a Birdseye Potato Waffle the other day, I was sickened to be able to fashion acrude swastika from the compressed starch matrix. And their Alphabites are no better. After carefully selecting a plateful, I was able to spell out 'Hitler is nice' if I used a z on its side for an n. How long are the frozen food giants going to be allowed to get away with this?

Billington Smyth


Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women.

Chris Mapply, Carshalton


"One pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania" says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing b@st@rds!!!

Tracey Cusick, Cumbria
 
Jip Jaap Stam said:
The letters are easily the best bit.

Whilst eating a Birdseye Potato Waffle the other day, I was sickened to be able to fashion acrude swastika from the compressed starch matrix. And their Alphabites are no better. After carefully selecting a plateful, I was able to spell out 'Hitler is nice' if I used a z on its side for an n. How long are the frozen food giants going to be allowed to get away with this?

Billington Smyth


Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women.

Chris Mapply, Carshalton


"One pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania" says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing b@st@rds!!!

Tracey Cusick, Cumbria
Click to expand...

<laugh>.
 
Erik said:
I'm not 24 'til April and an avid reader of Viz. It's the funniest work of literature in the world.

You're like a mixture of Spoilt Bastard and Meddlesome Ratbag <ok>
Click to expand...

I was just calling ER old ffs, i don't really care about Viz.

Chill out <doh>
 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Senile auld **** is so far gone with dementia he can't keep up with Tobys posts so resorts to insults.
 
Kerlon Foquinha (the little seal) used to play for Cruzeiro, here's how Coelho (the Rabbit) of Atletico, Cruzeiro's deadly cross town rivals in the city of Belo Horizonte dealt with him.

[video=youtube;YBXv5FISzjg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBXv5FISzjg[/video]
 
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