Because of multi-faith, multi-culturalism and diversity I decided to obtain full legal advice before posting: "Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress , non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious / secular persuasions and / or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the Calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great ( not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country ) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee . By accepting this greeting, please be advised that you are accepting these terms : This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable on the proviso that there is no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. Best Regards ( without prejudice ) Name withheld (Privacy Act)" Or, in plain English: Bollocks!!!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
I love it at this time of the year... Pissed up revellers asking you every time they get in the taxi, 'Are you busy mate...?' and' What time you finishing then...?' - Thanks Peter Kay for that one...!!! 3am finishes, if im lucky, passengers telling you which way home is the quickest... Husbands and wives falling out with each other because he had one too many. Or that she flirted all night with a bloke who he dosnt like... Young girls who should really be wearing more than a belt in the freezing conditions asking for you to turn the heating on, or asking why the Air Con isn't working when its as warm as toast in my car... Blokes stinking of beer, cigarettes and kebabs, burping and farting all the way home... Yeah, its a great time of year...!!! In saying that, come the 2nd of Jan when everyone is peeved off about going back to work, I will be having lazy mornings in, watching loads of tv and even enjoying the odd afternoon with a pint or glass/bottle of wine... Other than that enjoy what ever your up to over the next 2 weeks or so, I will be, no matter how busy I may be...
Don't expect a tip! Not monetary anyway! And don't honk your damn horn in the roadway, get your lazy arse out and knock on the door! Other than that, have a great post-christmas
Hahaha, Reebs, I will tell you this quick story... One lad I used to drop off at his house, on the main road through a village, used to bang the top of my car as I dropped him off, 'Thud, thud, see ya pal...' he would shout. I didn't take him home every weekend, but most of them... Then one day I was in the local village Spar and this bloke come up to me and had a right go at me for waking him up every bloomin weekend at 2 o'clock in the morning... I said it cant be me, I drive a taxi at night and would hardly be at yours for 2am every Friday or Saturday would I...??? Then the penny dropped. This lad got home every Friday and Saturday at the same time, give or take, and always banged the top of whatever taxi it was that took him home. But he must have been doing it so loud, it didn't sound that loud to me sat in the car, that it woke his neighbour up... He thought it was funny as he didn't get on with his neighbour but he soon stopped doing it when he got home at 2am with a police car sat outside waiting to see what all the commotion was... He didn't hit any more taxi roof's after that...!!! That bloke still lives there and whenever I have that lad in my car he always asks me to honk my horn as we go past, just as a reminder...
Is something happening? Now that the Not606 Health & Safety Advisor is involved this saga could run for years and years. There will be an inquiry that will produce a report the size of the Encyclopaedia Britannica that tells us absolutely nothing except that we should get rid of the Health & Safety Advisor because the role is a waste of time and money. Those of us not stupid enough to waste a minute grovelling to non-existent deities will continue to tell jokes about the Irish, shirt lifters and gollywogs with alacrity as all fifty two weeks of the year are good occasions to eat too much, drink too much, gamble too much and have a good time. I have invited Nigella to come and help the not-so-Reverend Paul Flowers baste the turkey in ketamine while Mayor Rob Ford polishes off the sherry. She was going to come on a cycle until she found out that you did not snort Tour de France drugs. Must remember to order some snow – I hope Flowers has brought his bank card. Let us all enter into the spirit of Christmas: - The Christmas Number One will come from somebody from jail – Ian Watkins. - Somebody will die in most of the soaps to keep us all cheerful. - The only person getting everything done by Friday will be Robinson Crusoe.
A little background regarding my new title. Last year Wycombe were playing Bristol Rovers at home and, at 2-0 down, the Health & Safety Officer abandoned the game due to freak lightning and thunderstorms. In a Posh v Gillingham (brb's team) pre match post on the Posh Board I mentioned to brb that I could provide a good Health & Safety Officer if he needed it. With that he changed my title for a laugh. I must ask him to change it back.
