"Once I'd sorted out the 4 cubs, I jumped on to the back of mummy bear and shagged her too. Eat your heart out, Jimmy Savile!"
I refused the soppy bollocks award but landing this fish has given me soggy bollocks, in fact I am soaked through.
"Don't laugh, but last week Mr Cooper ate 3 of these before half-time - I wish the freeloader would **** off back to The Tigers"