Inept sporting performances

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hornethologist a.k.a. theo

hornethologist a.k.a. theo

Well-Known Member
Jan 27, 2011
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80 miles from Watford
Just seen that the Hong Kong Women's cricket team were bowled out for 15 yesterday - 9 of which were wides. It reminded me that at Uni we once bowled another college side out for 7.

I thought it might be amusing to get a few other recollections of performances which were some way from being up to scratch...football or otherwise.
 
Back in my yoof, I was a dab hand at Basketball. After a fall-out with the club coach at the end of one season, I swapped clubs - and my new club's first game the following season was against my previous club. We lost 87-1 :(

At least I had the consolation of scoring the 1!
 
Arranged a game between two teams and as the goal keeper didn't touch the ball once. We won 37-0, so I think it was a bit of a mismatch.
 
I seem to recall some game at Vicarage Road in the early 80's where a team from the North-East were pretty inept defensively. Some bloke called McCoist was in the opposition. Cricket (or at least Rugby) score wasn't it?
 
I played for Cornell Electrics in Watford District League in 1978 when we won 42-1 against Mill End Whips Reserves...

They folded a week or two later and the result was therefore wiped from the league record.
 
Whilst playing full back and attempting to hoof the ball in the general direction of the penalty area (the alternative being that the winger alongside me knocked it forward and went clean through) I accidentally caught it as sweet as a nut and lobbed my keeper from out wide, roughly level with the edge of the centre circle.

In my defence the keeper should have dealt with it. And I did take the corner that provided our only goal in a 7-1 or 8-1 defeat.
 
My school football team once played hockey, God knows why we played hockey but it was the same 11 as for football, agains some provate school, Haberdashers I think. We got smashed over 20-0 I remember. I played right wing, didn't even get into the other half. It was a joke. We weren't too bad at football at Stanborough, either.
 
North North Watford said:
Whilst playing full back and attempting to hoof the ball in the general direction of the penalty area (the alternative being that the winger alongside me knocked it forward and went clean through) I accidentally caught it as sweet as a nut and lobbed my keeper from out wide, roughly level with the edge of the centre circle.

In my defence the keeper should have dealt with it. And I did take the corner that provided our only goal in a 7-1 or 8-1 defeat.
Click to expand...

Also, I've scored a peach of an own goal, probably my best ever goal in fact. I play right wing and we were defending a corner. My man went short for it so followed him, he spun back into the box then the corner was swung in as I was running back into the box.

The ball came over my right shoulder and I thought I'd just volley it out for another corner but it went right into the top right hand corner. B$*%(rds from the other team congratulating me after and all. We lost the game 3-2, I was 14 at the time, it still hurts to tell it. Thanks for listening, this is good therapy.
 
Talking of own goals I am reminded of an incident at Haig Avenue Southport in the late 60s - the promotion season from Div. 3 I think. It's probably difficult for the youngsters amongst us to believe that, at the time, visits to Southport were considered a tough prospect (I had seen us lose there 0-2 the previous season).

Anyway, we battled out a 1-1 draw but, during heavy Sandgrounders' pressure in the second half, a though ball looked pretty harmless as it sailed over their forwards with Brian Garvey (our "centre-half") poised to clear up comfortably 20 yards outside the penalty area. The Horns fans breathed a collective sigh of relief but then groaned in horror as he overhit the back pass to Micky Walker. It was a peach of a swirling, dipping shot which seemed destined for the far corner but straightened at the last minute and thumped squarely against the crossbar. As a bemused Walker watched, the ball rebounded back over his head and back to Garvey who nonchalantly trapped it, turned and played a ball up to Endean on the half-way line, before bowing and acknowledging the cheers of the crowd both home and away..........

Keith Dublin eat your heart out.
 
vic-rijrode said:
Talking of own goals I am reminded of an incident at Haig Avenue Southport in the late 60s - the promotion season from Div. 3 I think. It's probably difficult for the youngsters amongst us to believe that, at the time, visits to Southport were considered a tough prospect (I had seen us lose there 0-2 the previous season).
Click to expand...

I remember that 0-2 game - not for the game, but the aftermath. A group of us had to seek police protection - spent the night in a flower show tent hiding from some local bikies. :(

Inept football hooligans? ;)
 
Back in the day it it used to be that there was a jump from U12 to U14 age groups in football. Does this still happen? Anyways it was always pretty much a given that the older sides would beat the younger sides... I remember coming up as U12 Champions the previous season only to get battered every other week! One game finished 22-2 in a thunderstorm and I (the keeper getting the back ache) lost my cotton goalkeeping gloves in the mud in the last 10 minutes or so. We finished mid table as we continued to beat all the teams that came up with us but with a severe negative goal difference.

As an adult I remember another team I was between the sticks for had a friendly against a side that were way above our collected 'pay-grade'. We only lost 6-0 which wasn't too much of a disgrace - but the 31 goal kicks that I took might give an idea as to how utterly inept we were in comparison to our oppo.
 
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