Couldn't resist. Not mine btw It has been reported today that the Government plans to turn one of the most run down areas in the UK into a giant theme park. Documents from the Department for the Environment have been leaked to the press, containing details of plans to turn Sunderland into a major tourist attraction. The Newcastle subburb would then be known as "Mackemland" As spokesman for the government office said "We are disappointed that details of "Mackemland" have emerged before plans had been finalised, but yes, it is true that we are looking at converting a desolate area on the outskirts of Newcastle into one of Britain's largest tourist attractions. Sunderland already have a Micky Mouse football club so a Disney-like theme park is just a small step. Maybe The Muppets might be a more suitable comparison." One of the more popular of the preposed rides will be called "Niall's Magic Carpet", where visitors will sit expectantly on a giant carpet waiting for the most exciting journey of their lives, only for the whole thing never to actually get off the ground. "15 point Surprise" will be another attraction, where, if a player fails to score 15 points or more, a giant trap door opens up beneath them and drops them into a vat of fizzy pop with everyone else laughing at their demise. It is also understood that there will be another ride called "Brambles Rohypnole Fun Night" but details of this are unclear. Upon further questioning, the spokesman continued, "The idea is to give visitors the true mackem experience. They will even be invited to take part in the "Cattermole Car Park Challenge" where the first person to vandelise 10 cars wins a shoplifting day for 2 at the Metro Centre. We are also hoping to have a giant bungee jump that will reflect Sunderland's traditional 2nd half of the season, and this will simply be called "Freefall" Similar to Disney's "Small World", Mackemland will have "Small Europe" where visitors can look at miniture versions of all the major European towns and cities where mackems are never seen, including Milan. Pets will also be welcome and can be left to be pampered and given that special touch in "Keano's Doggy Heaven". As evening approaches, revellers will be able to dance the night away in the park's nightclub, "Brucie's". Evidently the music will be brilliant but, as of yet, no-one has actually heard it. The only aspect that is delaying the plans being finalised is the cost of lighting the preposed theme park, and the spokesman continued "It has been a cause for concern, because it is always so dark over here. It is almost as if the whole area is living in some giant shadow!". The development is expected to give the area a major employment boost with thousands of workers needed to dress up as empty red seats and to prepare and serve visitors with the mackems staple diet of cheesey chips and blue pop.
I got as far as the first sentence, and seeing as Sunderland is larger than Skunksville in both size and population gave up when I saw the words suburb of Newcastle.
I'll struggle to bite unless I've joined the dark side. There is more chance of Bobby Moore captaining England against Sweden on Friday.
There's a circus in the toon Alan Pardew spoke to soon Big fat Ash Just can't wait to make some cash With Sid James new nom dé plume
Disaster at mackemland. A coach load of people from Newcastle racially attack a toilet attendant on thinking Sunderland paid homage to there neighbours by installing the Cheryl Cole toilet experience. Geordies were heard shouting "this is so realistic, just like the toilets down the toon." while Stamping on the toilet attendents head.
