Dear Bob, how do i make people like me? I try to be nice, but whatever i do someone doesn't like me. Its killing me inside. Yours in tears BHD.
Dear baby Dan, From what I have read about association football, it would seem that a team called Swansea have made a few friends this year. Have you thought of moving there? Yours movingly Bob
Dear Bob I have only just realised that your name is very similar to the saying 'Bob's Yer Uncle'. I would consider it a problem that it took me so long to work this out. What advice would you give to prevent the penny dropping at such a pedestrian rate in future? Lovingly Tony
I can help with this Bob! Hampy, give up living a normal enjoyable life and read the moderator board quicker, apparently!
Dear Bob, I notice that you are only offering your counselling services to our budgie friends on this board. Is this because you are fearful of their well being during their continued slide into the basement of the league. There were a few that were expecting a top 6 finish this year so I wondered if you had the right experience and qualifications to deal with accute delusion syndrome! I really hope your surgery works for these fans as they deserve so much better! Yours Enquiringly JWM
Tony my boy, I would suggest some intellectual conversation, so that you can learn to keep up quicker. Have you visited the Queen's Park Rangers boards lately? Yours despairingly Bob
Dear Mr/Miss JWM, You have confused me slightly. Who or what are budgies please? Is this some sort of internet chatroom talk that I have not come across before? I have offered my services to other teams supporters as well. Please feel free to see my prowess shon in problem solving by visiting teams such as Sunderland, Bristol Rovers. Although, judging by your picture, I fear the visit to Bristol Rovers may be more likely than the visit to Sunderland. Yours pityingly Bob
My willy has got what appears to be a Souwester hat on it, I quite like it but it also has a hole in it? Is there an operation to correct this and at the same time change the colour, the Bright Green has got a bit boring. Yours leakingly ILD OTBC
Dear Bob, You are obviously not from around these parts are you bor! May I politely suggest that before you start offering advice to all and sundry, you actually take time to research your prospective clients! If you want to know more about Norwich fans just google inbreeding/cathedrals/Delia and that should provide you with all you need to know about them. Yours Patronisingly JWM
Dear Bob When ever i go for a piss it always shoots off to the left ! Yours wiping the wall down Chippy
Dear Bob, I've had a terrible day. No matter what has happened i've become incapable of seeing the funny side of anything. Where once i could freely allow myself to frolic in carefree whimsical glee, all i can now do is react grumpily, and dismiss things as puerile and offensive no matter how well meaning they are. Its got so bad that sometimes i just lash out with unwarranted swearing, before suggesting i've been in some bizarre way provoked. In brief ive been a dull, irascible, kill-joy with less sense of humour than a rusty shopping trolley. Does this mean i have to only post on the Watford board from now on? yours unamusedly Battersea
Dear Bob, I recently employed someone to tarmac my drive, the work was shoddy to say the least and my drive is pretty much unusable now. Moreover, whilst he was here he spent most of his time telling me about the football club he supports, (I forget who they are), and worryingly, seemed obsessed with their rivals... I therefore decided not to pay for the substandard work, and have just explained this over the phone to him, all I got back was a torrent of abuse... Do you think I can sue him for the cost of putting my drive right? Your's legally, Welly
