A woman walking through a field sees Paddy and Mick working... Paddy is digging holes and as fast as he is digging them, Mick is filling them in. After 9 holes she says to Paddy 'why are you digging holes and then Mick is filling them in?' Paddy replies 'Well there's usually 3 of us but the lad who plants the trees is off sick today!'.
40 gypsies arrived at heaven's gates and St. Peter said "We've only got room for 12, so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in." Five minutes later St. Peter says to God "They've gone." God says “What . . . . all 40 of them ?" St. Peter says "No . . . . the ****ing gates !"
Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me." His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed. On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me." The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers. He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the frickin' ladies' tees!"
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For £100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Shark tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for your African tour and 4x4. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do? The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches cold
This bloke in the pub said to me, "F*ck me, that was a rough old bitch you were with last night, not a patch on the women I normally see you with, what on Earth ever possessed to take her out? " "I had to, " I replied, "it was our wedding anniversary.
An Indian man has been arrested and charged with punching his wife in the face Chinda Gudunproppa has denied all charges.
