For those of you wondering what it's like to be married... I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.
Does anyone remember the Spitting Image sketch of Michael Heseltine on the Falklands Total Exclusion Zone ?
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?' The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.
Joe Biden has announced that US defence spending will be cut to $660 billion a year, meaning that the USA no longer has the highest annual defence budget in the world. That honour now goes to Manchester City.
Apparently its against the law to have sex on Christmas eve in Iceland. I'm not sure if it's the same in Tesco, Aldi or Asda but it might be worth finding out before the work's Christmas lunch.
Three friends get killed on Christmas Eve, not being the nicest of souls, St Peter says as it's Christmas, I'll give you a chance to get into heaven. To get in, you'll have to show me something in your possession that can be associated with Christmas. Fella 1 produces a lighter, lights it and says its a Christmas candle. Fella 2 gets his keys out and jangles them and says it's sleigh bells Fella 3 pulls a bra and knickers out of his pocket, St Peter says what have they got to do with Christmas...they're Carol's
