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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

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  1. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Oddly enough, I was at SpecSavers yesterday for my annual eye check before getting my drivers
    licence.
     
    #881
    brisbane-lion, Oct 18, 2020
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    so can you see the joke properly now mate:emoticon-0127-lipss;)
     
    #882
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
    brisbane-lion likes this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    i see the skunks got hammered today by united, so i'm putting down 6 points in the bag for you this season, you have too much skill for them ****ers and besides have you ever walked behind a skunk with his barcode top on, the gravy stains are always on the back i wonder why<whistle><laugh><laugh>
     
    #883
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    This is a story to inspire you to reach for your dreams and never ever give up ...
    Many years ago my mate's missus came a close second in the Miss England 1997 competition. Later that year she was beset by a long period of bad luck. She suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. She lost a leg and needed facial reconstruction surgery after a road traffic accident. Later, she suffered 90% burns in an unprovoked acid attack. Several of her teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged in a fight outside a KFC Chicken Take Away. The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts.
    But she never stopped believing.
    And then finally, last month, she was crowned Miss Scotland 2020
     
    #884
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
    2020VisionofLeeds, Eireleeds1, FORZA LEEDS and 3 others like this.
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #885
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
    Farsleyexile likes this.
  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night...

    I wore a blindfold!
     
    #886
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
    FORZA LEEDS, Farsleyexile and lifecheshirewhite like this.

  7. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Bloody rude,Mak, but still quite funny. Bet she was kranky after all that.
     
    #887
    brisbane-lion, Oct 18, 2020
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  8. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20201018_103804_net.ilius.android.match.jpg
     
    #888
    wakeybreakyheart, Oct 18, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Gessa and 2 pennth like this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #889
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #890
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I've found out how they make Carling.
    the picture above is of the Heineken plant
     
    #891
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    daglish in struggling under covid lockdown and is reportedly taking drugs
    please log in to view this image
     
    #892
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 18, 2020
    Farsleyexile and 2 pennth like this.
  13. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Why, in a dire emergency, do we say "Women and children first"? So that the men can get together and nut out a solution in peace.
     
    #893
    brisbane-lion, Oct 19, 2020
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  14. Sucky

    Sucky peoples champ & forum saviour

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    How do you **** a vegetable?
























    Tip her out the wheelchair face down.
     
    #894
    Sucky, Oct 19, 2020
    Farsleyexile, FORZA LEEDS and Makemstine Roger like this.
  15. Sucky

    Sucky peoples champ & forum saviour

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    What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?























    Least a zit waits til you're a teenager before coming on your face.


    Im ere all week
     
    #895
    Sucky, Oct 19, 2020
    Farsleyexile, lifecheshirewhite, FORZA LEEDS and 1 other person like this.
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #896
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 19, 2020
  17. Eireleeds1

    Eireleeds1 Well-Known Member

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    B22B1DBB-1CC4-4031-8315-01075140702C.jpeg
     
    #897
    Eireleeds1, Oct 19, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Farsleyexile, FORZA LEEDS and 1 other person like this.
  18. Eireleeds1

    Eireleeds1 Well-Known Member

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    7E0FE301-68CA-4093-9C3B-1F26E3C6A9EF.jpeg
     
    #898
    Eireleeds1, Oct 19, 2020
    Makemstine Roger, Farsleyexile and lifecheshirewhite like this.
  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Mark finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his motorcycles for an upcoming show. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your bikes along with your boat."
    Mark got this horrified look on his face.
    She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
    Mark said, "For a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
    "EX-WIFE!", she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
    Mark replied, "I wasn't."
     
    #899
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 20, 2020
    Farsleyexile, brisbane-lion and FORZA LEEDS like this.
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    after a night on the piss i woke up to a big fat bird lying next to me she was farting and stinking then it occured to me i hope that's a tea bag in my mouth ...yuk.
     
    #900
    Makemstine Roger, Oct 20, 2020
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