Coronavirus

[Joelinton's Right Foot]

I did the hand clapping thing this week. I was surprised how loud it was. I know most won't have heard it but I do hope they know how genuinely grateful we are

 

[Archers Road]

You may need a cigarette after reading this.

I think this screed has been updated to reflect more recent Trumpfuckwittery.

"An Open Letter to the president"....... A re-tweet from Mötley Crüe drummer, Tommy Lee, who soooooo wins the literary scribe of the day award........ :

"Dear ****ing Lunatic,

At your recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air, your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of ****ing India — a country of a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED out...

Do you know how ****ing insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self-aware.

You are ****ing exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!

We are ****ing tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.

You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the **** does that help?

You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.

You attempted — with evident ****ing glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.

You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite.

You endorsed a ****phile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL ****ING NAZIS!

Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.

Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels?

Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say?

You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.

You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.

So **** you Mr. President. And **** you forever.

Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. **** you, too. You'll be as useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock socket."

Brilliant


Who knew Tommy Lee was that eloquent?

 

[Treble]

I watched the BBC live thing

Some social distancing was not being maintained during that, name em, shame em, book em, fine em. Rules are there for a reason, pricks.

That's all fine and well but I was under real pressure at the orange section in Tesco today as some old bloke stood waiting 2 metres away.


I just took the lot.

 

[Willhoops]

Brilliant


Who knew Tommy Lee was that eloquent?

Yes that was a massive surprise

 

[Archers Road]

Yes that was a massive surprise

The Motley Crue movie did sort of make me love them a bit. Now I’m developing a crush...

 

[Welshie]

That's all fine and well but I was under real pressure at the orange section in Tesco as some old bloke stood waiting 2 metres away.


I just took the lot.

but that's your god given right.

I was actually told off by a shop assistant here for not maintaining the social distancing, **** me this lady was taking so long to bag her items. I just went right next to her and started bagging, no time for that.

 

[Star of David Bardsley]

but that's your god given right.

I was actually told off by a shop assistant here for not maintaining the social distancing, **** me this lady was taking so long to bag her items. I just went right next to her and started bagging, no time for that.

Yeah that’s fine. Stay 2m away unless you’re in a bit of a rush. Everyone knows the rules.

 

[Welshie]

Yeah that’s fine. Stay 2m away unless you’re in a bit of a rush. Everyone knows the rules.

"lady get out of my way, i have to go home and do **** all"

 

[Treble]

but that's your god given right.

I was actually told off by a shop assistant here for not maintaining the social distancing, **** me this lady was taking so long to bag her items. I just went right next to her and started bagging, no time for that.

Mate I was caught in a pincer movement at the checkout. An oap behind forcing me to the till violating the 2m of the old biddy at the counter. Then she spends an eternity sorting her purse to pay and the old bloke is slowly moving his trolley towards me. And the cashier is giving me dirts like it's my fault.

 

[Tobes]

Mate I was caught in a pincer movement at the checkout. An oap behind forcing me to the till violating the 2m of the old biddy at the counter. Then she spends an eternity sorting her purse to pay and the old bloke is slowly moving his trolley towards me. And the cashier is giving me dirts like it's my fault.

You should have sparked him. It’d have been fully justified - self defence bro.

 

[Welshie]

Mate I was caught in a pincer movement at the checkout. An oap behind forcing me to the till violating the 2m of the old biddy at the counter. Then she spends an eternity sorting her purse to pay and the old bloke is slowly moving his trolley towards me. And the cashier is giving me dirts like it's my fault.

push the old bitch down and move ahead.

 

[Treble]

You should have sparked him. It’d have been fully justified - self defence bro.

No way the place was full of old folk. I think I would've been lynched tbh.

 

[Chief]

I did the hand clapping thing this week. I was surprised how loud it was. I know most won't have heard it but I do hope they know how genuinely grateful we are

A hospital doctor lives across the street from us.

They looked out though. Or she was hiding out of embarrassment.

 

[duggie2000]

Hows everyone feeling ? I really am feeling like ****... no motivation to exercise for 2 days... i like being on my own, but feeling trapped with no social life outside these 4 walls or contact with human life is effecting me I think.

Just think of the good it is doing everyone else

 

[Welshie]

A hospital doctor lives across the street from us.

They looked out though. Or she was hiding out of embarrassment.

you should have thrown toilet paper over her house, to show you appreciate her efforts and you're taking hygiene seriously.

 

[Chief]

My Mrs just went upstairs to have a zoom confence with some friends. Who she rarely sees.

The world has gone ****ing mad.

Good chance for me to crack a beer though.

 

[Fox Mulder]

My Mrs just went upstairs to have a zoom confence with some friends. Who she rarely sees.

The world has gone ****ing mad.

Good chance for me to crack a beer though.

whats a zoom conference

 

[Tobes]

My Mrs just went upstairs to have a zoom confence with some friends. Who she rarely sees.

The world has gone ****ing mad.

Good chance for me to crack a beer though.

I bet she took wine with her.

 

[Chief]

I bet she took wine with her.

Probs got a bottle stashed upstairs.

 

[Chief]

whats a zoom conference

Where they all talk and can see each other on screen.

Where have you been?