Gary Neville walks into old Trafford with a bag in his hand. Security guard asks "what's in the bag Gary". He replies " a shotgun and several hand grenades". " thank **** for that" says the guard " thought you'd brought your ****ing boots".
Man United have signed a new striker from Nigeria. On his first day of training, Fergie picked up the ball and said 'BALL' then pointed at the goal and said 'Goal. Then he demonstrated a kicking motion and said 'Kick' understand, 'Kick ball, goal, GOOOOOAAAALLL!' Eventually the young African plucks up courage to say "Excuse me Mr Ferguson but I speak very good English", to which Fergie replies ' Sit down son, I'm talking to Berbatov.'
How many Arsenal fans does it take to change a light bulb? Two, but they have to pass it between themselves at least thirty times, miss the socket five times and then blame the room for being the wrong size.
haha, i now have images of fabregas and nasri chuckin a lightbulb to each other repeatedly in my living room in the dark...strange... Eatcustard-- Must try harder..
I can see it now: Fabregas: Come on Samir! Only another twenty passes and we'll score the greatest screw-in in history! Nasri: Merde. Dropped it again. Fabregas: It's not your fault - the carpet's far too long, that lamp just tried to rugby tackle you, and someone has obviously bribed the sofa! David Moyes (lurking behind the TV): I heard that ye nasty wee ****e! Fabregas: No, no, I say many things in the heat of the moment, but I have the utmost respect for all furniture. Even when this furniture has been bribed to look the other way then the bookcase falls on me. Nasri: Erm, ok. Should we start again? Fabregas: Nah, **** this. I'm off to Barcelona. I'm off to pitch this for the next Mitchell and Webb series...
The Arsenal team could replace the Chuckle brothers, the amount of times they pass the ball in front of the box they have plenty of practice.
