Ring ring.....'Hello?'
'Hello, is that porton down?'
'Yes, porton down speaking'
'Hello porton down, this is Teresa May, and I think Boris is listening in on the bedroom phone upstairs'
'How can I help?'
'Just a few miles down the road from you, a couple of Russians have been poisoned by a deadly nerve agent'
'My god! They're dead I assume?'
'No, no, but it's highly likely that they will. No one survives this stuff. Anyway, we know what it is and where it comes from, but any chance you could check it out and confirm?'
'Of course Teresa, we can analyse it, tell you exactly what it is and where it comes from, we can study it's DNA'
'No, we want you to tell everyone what it is, but for christ's sake, do not disclose it's origin'
'Why's that then?'
'Far too easy, there's a whole story going on here, it's not your remit, we want to identify its origin through old school detective work, likelyhoods, previous behaviour and Boris' dream interpretations. Did he call you already?'
'Uh, no! (Anyone here spoken to boris recently? No? Oi? No, no??), no ma'am, no ones heard from Boris'
'That stupid, bumbling arse of a man'
'Sorry ma'am?'
'Oh, nothing, thank you, now remember, no origin investigation, ok? Bye bye'