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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

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  1. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    Shortly before he died my bed-ridden great uncle had his back coated in a thick layer of lard to alleviate the discomfort of bed sores.

    Sadly, after that, he went downhill rapidly. :)
     
    #2981
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
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  2. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    I was spooning the wife earlier when I rested my knob against her arse. "What do you reckon?" I whispered, "fancy a bit??"

    "Pack it in" she said.

    She didn't have to tell me twice. :)
     
    #2982
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
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  3. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    What's 8 inches long and makes my wife come?

    My thumb and finger...

    ...when I click them. :)
     
    #2983
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
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  4. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    I asked a Scouse mate what time Liverpool kicked off yesterday.

    "Roughly every 18 minutes", he grumbled :)
     
    #2984
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 10, 2017
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  5. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    "My daughter is on the cheerleading team at The Nadine Brown High School. Their football team are called the Nads after Nadine and she has to stand on the sidelines and cheer...
    "Go Nads!"
    "No, it's true"
     
    #2985
    GroveRanger, Sep 11, 2017
    SwanHills, surreyhoop, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  6. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    Bollocks.
     
    #2986
    jimileysbaldhead, Sep 11, 2017
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  7. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

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    Met a young lady in the country, we messed around in the meadow for some time
    Frolicks
    No it's true
     
    #2987
    Wherever, Sep 11, 2017
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  8. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    Found a beautiful fossil in the cliffs at the beach yesterday
    Bedrocks?
    **** off, it's just my hobby.
     
    #2988
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
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  9. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    Got lost in the middle of nowhere yesterday.
    Boondocks?
    You want a fat lip?
     
    #2989
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
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  10. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    I was stung by a bee below my waist, it's agony.
    Buttocks?
    Nah, bollocks if you must know.
     
    #2990
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
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  11. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    My racehorse trainer pal has some beautiful horses in his stable
    Bloodstocks?
    Listen, what's your problem pal?
     
    #2991
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
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  12. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    Was watching the wrestling yesterday, some great holds in there.
    Arm locks?
    Stop taking the piss.





    I have a list of words ending in 'ocks' and I have a quiet week.
     
    #2992
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
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  13. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

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    Had a problem with the mechanism of my tractor
    Hydrolocks
    No honest
     
    #2993
    Wherever, Sep 11, 2017
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  14. jimileysbaldhead

    jimileysbaldhead Well-Known Member

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    " Ken Dodd passed away this morning "
    " Did he ?"
    " No, Doddy "
     
    #2994
    jimileysbaldhead, Sep 11, 2017
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  15. sb_73

    sb_73 Well-Known Member

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    I bought a job lot of Swiss walking sticks back from holiday
    Alpenstocks?
    Well if you're not interested just say so.
    Are you deaf or something?
     
    #2995
    sb_73, Sep 11, 2017
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  16. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    I come from a long line of shoemakers...

    Cobblers?

    Every word. :)
     
    #2996
    Uber_Hoop, Sep 11, 2017
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  17. surreyhoop

    surreyhoop Well-Known Member

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    Just landed a job in a teacake factory..

    "Tunnocks? "

    ( You know the rest...:) )
     
    #2997
    surreyhoop, Sep 11, 2017
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  18. surreyhoop

    surreyhoop Well-Known Member

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    You won't believe it. 3 bears just moved in to my house.

    " Goldilocks?"

    No it's true. ( Sorry :) )
     
    #2998
    surreyhoop, Sep 11, 2017
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    need extra security for the car
    crooklocks
    thats the one
     
    #2999
    kiwiqpr, Sep 12, 2017
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  20. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

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    My horse came last in the race, it was injured
    Fetlocks
    No it was his bollocks
     
    #3000
    Wherever, Sep 12, 2017
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