Off Topic The Sullivan & Gold Comedy Corner

It would seem that the "seasoned international" debate is rolling into its third week on Twitter, with 'dg' standing his ground and hundreds of west ham fans duly taking the piss.

His latest defence was that Everton relied heavily on youth last season but finished 32 points behind champions Chelsea, who apparently didn't play a teenager all season. QED, says David's tiny brain, 'seasoned international' is the way forward.

@humanbeingincroydon I would be indebted if you could please post the Twitter thread () as some of the replies are genuinely hilarious.

 

Replies such as...

 

Since moving to Londons' biggest stadium, West Ham
have finished in the PL 41 pts behind a club with an
average squad age 19 months lower.

< meaningful and valid point >
< full of seasoned international. dg >

 

Mark Twain: I would rather be considered a fool than open my mouth and remove all doubt.

 

dg.

 

"We don't use youth players, because Everton used lots and finished well ahead of us, in a European place."
Wait... what?

 

Last night my wife and I were discussing what PhD we would do if we ever had the time/money/willpower. I have to say that my thesis would definitely be:

"The Contribution of David Gold to 21st Century British Comedy".

 

After the announcment that Scott Parker would be joining our coaching team, their fans didn't hold back when pointing this out to The Pornographers



Well, not all of them...

 

According to Sky Sports, West Ham are close to purchasing Anthony Modeste, who was leaving Köln for China until he found out that he could earn similar money and just phone in sick like Andy Carroll does at The Spammers, year in and year out.

He scored 25 goals last season in a decent league and appears to have all of his limbs. This all sounds quite positive until you learn that he's now 30 years of age and they could have signed him for £6m last summer. That would have been £14m less than the £20m that it is suggested that they are now ready to spend.

Still, he's a French international, if you consider his 16 U21 caps. If you don't count them, then you're not David Gold or in other ways completely delusional. I wonder how long it will take him to realise he wants to play for Marseille?

We've got Mo- Deste, To-Nee Modeste,
Speak English and he doesn't understand,
He's far too ****ing old,
6 months before he's sold,
We've got To-Nee Modeste

 

Lucky for the Scammers he has some Premier League experience

...if you count 9 games and 0 goals from Blackburn as "Premier League experience" that is

 

Sky Sports are reporting that The Spammers have given up in their attempt to sign Iheanacho from Citeh.

Apparently, he wanted his National Insurance to be paid and for the remaining money to go into his bank account rather than.a paper bag.

 

Here we go again...

 

This is the same MailOnline that employs that failed talent show contestant as a columnist, right?

 

Do you need to WIN talent shows to be a columnist these days then?

 

Learn to read between the lines once in a while. It would save you posting comments as stupid as that one.

 

Just seemed an odd observation that a columnist had failed a talent show, perhaps your mind just works different to mine.

 

This is due to a combination of agent comments + Spanner delusion.

His agent allegedly said Citeh would not sell Iheanacho to a rival like Spurs.
Therefore if Citeh sell him to the Spanners, they are implying they do not see
the Spanners as rivals akin to Spurs.

As the Spanners are deluded enough to believe they are rivals to Spurs,
buying the player implicitly means they agree with Citeh.

 

It's not as if she's done a single thing of note in her miserable, hate-filled existence other than fail to win The Apprentice, so why give her a scrap of credence otherwise?

 

Spammers fans aren't happy that rugby will be taking place at the White Elephant.

...hold on, that needs to be phrased differently, given there's at least nineteen rugby fixtures there a season.

Spammers fans are unhappy that an Aviva Premiership fixture will be taking place at the White Elephant next season, with Saracens facing Harlequins on March 24th. Normally the fixture takes place at Wembley, but because Spurs actually taking time to negotiate terms for our tenancy at Wembley this season - rather than doing dirty deals with Boris Johnson and Sebastian Coent yet failing to read the large print, let alone the small print - that means that Saracens could just say they wanted the match played at the White Elephant and the pornographers have no say in the matter so have to accept it.

 

@humanbeingincroydon I'll leave you to do what you do best

(apologies if it takes you a few days to scroll through the avalanche of insults).