Photoshop/Jokes/GIF Thread

Discussion in 'Chelsea' started by District Line, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. District Line

    District Line Well-Known Member
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    Okay, thought I'd start off our own.

    Well, Tottenham have just won the league...

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    And here's the new United Xbox controller

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    #1
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  2. Hash.

    Hash. pure daycent

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    please log in to view this image
     
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  3. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    I was just about to say close this before Hash gets on it<laugh>
     
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  4. Drogs

    Drogs Well-Known Member

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    That United one is class <laugh>
     
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  5. Purley

    Purley Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
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  6. Ryan_wfc

    Ryan_wfc Member

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    #6
  7. CFCDEAN

    CFCDEAN Member

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    #2




    CFCDEAN




    Senior Member









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    Join Date: Feb 2012Posts: 338 Points: 1,460 Level: 15 Post Thanks / Like :::::: Rep Power:0








    > Teacher to class: "what does your dad do at wkends?" Little boy: "He"s a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the moneys good he has sex wiv the punters, he'll let them do anything they want. Teacher takes him aside , ''Is that true''... Little boy '' nah miss its bollox, he plays for Liverpool but im too embarrassed to say
    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....................
    > My wife came home from Work to find me sitting watchin the football. "I've decided to leave you, all you do is talk bout football you think bout nothing else'' she said and im seeing someone else'' ''realy ?'' i said, ''what team does he support''
    .................................................. .................................................. ..............................

    > I had a car crash the other day.A dwarf got out the other car.I said to him ''are you o.k''. he said ''im not happy''.So I said to him ''which one are you then''
    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____________________________
    > Husband says to his wife tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time" wife replies ''ok, you've got a bigger knob than your brother !!
    > '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''

    > A man walks into a crowded bar with a loaded gun and shouts ''who,s been ****in my wife''? Suddenly, a voice in the back shouts 'you aint got enough bullets !!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    >2 indian junkies snorted curry powder instead of cocaine Both were rushed to hospital ones in a korma the other's got a dodgy tikka
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    >Bought the wife a fur coat made out of 3,600 hamster skins and took her to Blackpool... Couldn't get the ****er off the Big Wheel for 2 ****in days

    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .........................................

    > I don't know about you but I personally felt uncomfortable watching the women's weightlifting as the commentator was saying "some women's snatches are cleaner then others''
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    > Paddy is painting his lounge,his wife walks in and says "your doin a realy good job,but why are you wearing a leather jacket AND a parker !" Paddy says '' HELLLOOOO! read the fuggin tin, it says for best results put two coats on !!!''
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    > Some bloke was playing a game wiv his wife. She had to guess the flavour of the condom, she couldn't wait t get started....down she goes & shouts '' Cheese n Onion'' he says '' give us a fuggin chance i aint got one on yet''
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    > The other day I came home early from work to find my wife spread out on our bed vigorously awaiting my sexual advances. The poor girl was so horney for me she never even realised my mate Dave was under the bed looking for a DVD he lent me
     
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  8. bluemoon2

    bluemoon2 Well-Known Member

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    A Chinese fellow is chatting to his English neighbour over the the garden fence! He says "Your house and my house exacree the same yeh!" "Yes they are" came the reply! " Same nummer of rooms and same size yeh?" he asks. "Yes they are identical!" the English neighbour replies.
    "Tell me, how many rolls wallpaper you buy when you decorate house?" The Engishman says " I bought 12!"
    A couple of weeks later they're talking over the fence again. The Chinese fellow says " I decorate my house last week.I buy 12 roll wallpaper and now I have 5 roll left over!" His neighbour replies " Thats about right , I had 5 rolls left over as well!"
     
    #8
  9. CFCDEAN

    CFCDEAN Member

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    Why dont men like going down on a woman the morning after sex?........Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich!! :p:emoticon-0119-puke:
     
    #9
  10. Abu Hamzas Piano Teacher

    Abu Hamzas Piano Teacher Well-Known Member

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    What's the difference between, Light, and Hard............You can sleep with the light on.
     
    #10

  11. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    Belter<laugh>
     
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  12. CFCDEAN

    CFCDEAN Member

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    Ever since the freezing cold weather snow,sleet heavy rain and howling winds,the wife has been constantly looking through the window, if it gets any worse i'll just have too let her in !!!!!
     
    #12
  13. CFCDEAN

    CFCDEAN Member

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    I said to my grandson ,pass me a newspaper please. He said don't be so old fashioned here use my IPod. That fuggin fly didn't know what hit him.
     
    #13
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  14. bluemoon2

    bluemoon2 Well-Known Member

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    A man and his wife were getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself."You know dear", she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my bottom is hanging out a mile.I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to him and says, " Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself". He studies hard for a moment, thinking about it and then says in a soft thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
     
    #14
  15. District Line

    District Line Well-Known Member
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  16. Enricky.

    Enricky. No.1 MOD
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    #16
  17. Gullits_Dreadlocks

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    Hahahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahhaahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah!!!!!!!!!!!

    These jokes are quality!!!! Neeeeeed more!!!!
     
    #17
  18. CFCDEAN

    CFCDEAN Member

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    Pregnant Irish girl.... ''Mam oi tink moy waters av broke''. Mam..'' Oh my holly jaysus where ya ringin from'' girl..''oim ringin from moi minge to me fockin ankles'' !!!!!
     
    #18
  19. CFCDEAN

    CFCDEAN Member

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    My wife and I walked past a swanky restaurant.''Did you smell that food''she asked being the nice guy I am, I thought ''What the heck'' i'll treat her

    so we walked past it again ;-)

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    Heres an old joke i just found about the Olympics, still makes me chuckle

    First sailing results are in, Britain have taken the gold,the USA have taken silver and somalia have taken a middle aged couple from weymouth

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    Next paragraph for fifty shades book: ''After what seemed around 10 mins of humping the arse off her I pulled out,pumped the vast contents of my overflowing nutsack and left her with a face looking like a plasterer' radio !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Murphy asked paddy '' What ring tone have you got ?!!.
    Paddy says ''iv'e never realy looked,but probably light brown

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    An Indian man has been arrested for beating up his wife............................Chinda Gudunpropa say's he is innocent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    The wife and i were lying in bed this morning when she said '' I think the romance in this relationship is dead..... '' I wish she wouldnt talk to me while i'm havin a **** !!!!!!!
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    My Doctor just told me I need help because i'm a compulsive lier.......... then she gave me a titwank and sucked me orf in her office
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    Seems Germany have asked for a Euro bail out............. Apparently they've been presented in Poland with some sort of gas bill they fugged off without paying years ago !!!
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    My wife say im imature and childish an we should sit down and disscuss it !!!! Yeah right like thats gonna happen during conker season
     
    #19
  20. King Ossie64

    King Ossie64 Well-Known Member

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    Paddy says to Murphy "have you seen the news? 3 Cliff Walkers have fallen to their deaths"
    Unbelievable said Murphy can't believe they all had the same name.
     
    #20

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