Good day to you swans. I know you have already visited us (Norwich) this season, and it seems that we may both well stay up this year. So, in preperation for your visit to us next season hopefully, here is a guide that you may find useful Notes of Interest. It is only necessary to produce this passport if challenged OR traveling in the county of Norfolk. They (the locals) only object to furriners (you) coming into their domain and NOT leaving it. In fact they have been known to assist vacating holiday â makers and visiting football fans with a pitch fork or well aimed turnip. If, as an immigrant, you may have purchased an illegal Norfolk passport on the black market, you have obviously not been residing in the county for the statutory 38 years. Beware if any locals pretend to accept you after 20 years, as this will certainly be a bluff and normally happens in a public house when you are buying a round. So, do not be fooled, they are not as slow as they make out. Indeed, they have a saying:- âYow ken allus tell a Norfick bor, but yow keernt tell im muchâ USEFUL PHRASES: Good morning: Ar ya orrite Good afternoon: Ar ya orrite Good evening: Ar ya orrite Hello: Hay ya gitting on tagether Goodbye: Fare ya well tagether or Dew yow keep a troshun Unfortunate situation: A buggers muddle To chat with someone: Mardle To think someone is backward: Yow siller owld fule. Unimportant chatter: Squit Below standard: Thas a rumman A violent threat: Blast bor, yowl git a ding-a-tha-lug Feeling quite well: Fare tâ middlin FAMILY NAMES: Father: Far Mother: Martha Boy: Bor Girl: Gal A common question asked when trying to catch furriners out is: âHay ya far got a dicky bor?â This means: âHas your father got a donkey boy?. PLEASE FILL IN THE GAPS AS APPROPRIATE. FOTA Last Nearme: Farst Nearmes: Okapeershun: Plearce oâ Buth. NOTES ON FILLING OUT THE PASSPORT Surname: (larst nearme) - Always use a local one such as: skipper, Thrasher, Basher Thumper, Muddler, Cruncher or similar. Christian names: (farst nearmes) â Again, go for a local one such as: Humper, Spike, Didler, Thruster, Blinker, Catcher or something similar. Occupation: (Okapeershun) - Fearmer, Ret catcher, Kreeber, Sugarbeet Larry droiver or simply put I wark at the tearky fearm. Photograph: (Fota) â When posing, always hold a frozen turkey or sugar beet in front of you, place a straw in the corner of your mouth and piece of black paper over one of your two front teeth, smile and look at the ceiling with a simple expression on your face. Place of birth: (Plearce oâ Buth) - Choose a tricky one such as Happisburgh â Haysbra, Wymondham â Windham, or Hunstanton - Hunston
