Man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder. 'Pint for me and a hauf of whisky for Tiny' he asks the barman. Barman replies 'Why do you call him Tiny?' 'Cos he's my newt'.
One from Dan on the Racing forum. Saw an advert in Argos last week "36 inch TV £25 no volume control". I bought one - couldn't turn it down could i? A classic.
How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb? 10. 1 to change it and the other 9 to tell everyone it's the same bulb.
Two ducks flying over Belfast. First one said: "quack quack" other one said: "I'm going as quack as I ****ing can!"
Two cows were standing said I a field The first one said: "Mooooooooooooooooooo" The second one said: "**** You I was gonna say that!"
In a similar vein to Pud's: A guy goes into a butchers where the butcher is warming himself in front of an open fire. Guy points to some back rind of pig meat in the display To which, the baker replied
The barman says "We don't get many faster-than-light particles in here!" A neutrino walks into a bar.
Went into Go Outdoor the other day and asked , assitant said , so I lowered my voice and asked again!
Was looking for a mobile holiday home, so I went to the local car dealer and asked . The assistant said so I lisped up my voice, bent my wrist and asked again.