When I Grow Up...

When you were all nippers what did you want to be when you grew up?

Grove Junior says she's gone off the idea of being a teacher and now wants to be an interior designer. I explained that although it was potentially a decent paying job that she should have a qualification or career to fall back on as in times of recession the last thing anyone wants is someone telling them what curtains to buy.

When I were a lad I wanted to be a chef, long before all these celebrity types too. The only TV chefs I knew were Fanny Craddock and the Galloping Gourmet.

So what was it for you twats? Footballer, train driver, the man who cleans the public toilets in Aberdeen (Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop)?

 

You've sort of copied my new thread, you crouton-faced giblet.

 

Footballer.

Sadly, my technically-gifted, box-to-box maverick footballing style was made redundant at the age of 16 in a Scottish Youth Cup game when I ruptured the cartilage in my right knee.

I then went on to become a youth team coach and Celtic F, and the rest is, as they say, probably several historical sexual assault trials in the future.

WATP

 

I wanted to be a farmer when I was a wee lad. The thought of driving a tractor all day thrilled me, but then I grew up to be a lazy git and the idea quickly dissipated.

I do a six-hour working week these days.

 

Aye, we know Ponders, you're an author.

 

I'll kick this Ponders chap in the cock.

I am my own man.

 

Wanted to be paid for playing football or to join the Army.

Joined the Army and got paid for playing football. Result.

 

Vet.

 

I was born in the wrong body so wanted to be a woman when I grew up. Sadly, still got a monstrously veiny 8" love python but I get around that anomaly by letting guys enter my balloon knot and fire there salty loads deep into my colon.

HAIL HAIL

 

Play rugby for Scotland and cricket for England! This was at about age ten.

At about sixteen I decided I wanted a steady, well paid job which allowed me to take time off when I required so that I could indulge in my more extreme behaviours and study the form of the 'cuddies'.

A wee bit research resulted in my deciding to 'enlist' with HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) which suited and fulfilled my requirement until about 2008 when I was assigned to one of the four centres which dealt with complaints which had gone beyond the competences of the network of small local offices and large 'Centres'. Within two years of dealing with half-wits, nutters and obnoxious c**ts I was 'out' and 'free'. However, the plan hatched at age sixteen worked as my close to forty years service (?) resulted in a pretty good net of tax (no National Insurance deductions) government financed pension of nearly two thirds my net salary from HMRC. I had also 'earned'/ amassed a fair amount of capital from my ante-post punting on the Cheltenham Festival, the Prix de L'Arc de Triomphe, the Melbourne Cup and other big races both in the UK and throughout the world due to the flexi-leave conditions allowed by the good ol' HMRC!

It is now over seven years since I last left the madhouse!

Toodle pip and long live the 'triple lock' on pensions!

 

During an STV show years ago, Fanny Craddock was showing the viewers how to make doughnuts and at the end of the show, Bill Tennent, the host, signed off by saying "Good afternoon, and I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's".

True story

 

I only put the post up because you asked me to.

Can I also say that Tags are the second most sincere form of flattery. You guise!!

 

When I was at school (age 11) we were asked what we wanted to be when we left and after all of the usual Footballer, Stunt Man, Shop Keeper (Indian) and that one kid piped up and said Postman. When he left school he became a Postman and is still doing it to this day. Goes to show that even at a young age you can have dreams and aspirations that actually come true. He was, however, crushingly dull and more than a bit thick.

Funny how I've never, and I mean never ever, heard anyone at school say they want to work in I.T. when they grow up. The closest has been be a video game designer, not sure if it counts. The kid who said he wanted to do that is now an English teacher. True story.

 

Isn't that because you're old and computers were **** back then?

 

I wanted to pick bananas in Queensland

 

I wanted to be a serial killer so i joined the armed forces and guess what, they only went and paid me for it.

Hooraaaaa

 

How many notches on your rifle Aldo? Asking for a friend.

 

And did you?

 

Don't be so ****ing stoopit. One cant go about defacing MOD property ye know.

I have a large bag of ears though