You are in a very, very deep hole (like Wigan!) with smooth, metal walls, and no light, food or water. There is no immediate means of escape. You are partnered by a very hungry Lion, an escaped mass murderer who's 7'2" and could kill you with his bare hands, but is asleep, and a Tottenham fan. You have two things: a mobile phone and a gun with two bullets in. You get through to a rescue agency, and they arrange to pick you up as they have tracked your phone's signal. They will come in about an hour, by which time the murderer will be awake, and the Lion will be exceptionally hungry. So what do you do? Shoot the Tottenham fan. Twice.
Old joke. They used to tell it at my school 20 years ago, except the lion was Hitler, the mass murdered was Freddie Kruger, and the Spuds fan was Jeremy Beadle. And you shot Beadle twice, just to make sure...
