WAxit: Seven reasons Australia should be thrilled to say goodbye to Western Australia OPINION By Ben Pobjie Updated 55 minutes ago please log in to view this image PHOTO: Four secessionist delegates with the proposed flag for Western Australia in 1934. It keeps coming up as an issue for the west. (Supplied: State Library of WA) RELATED STORY: Liberals back watered-down WAxit motion RELATED STORY: Would a WAxit secession really happen? RELATED STORY: Secession threat a distraction from GST broken promises MAP: WA please log in to view this image PHOTO: The WA Liberal Party wants a committee to examine if the state should become financially independent. (ABC News: Eliza Laschon) It's a great word, WAxit. Much better than "Brexit", which sounds too much like "breakfast". WAxit, on the other hand, is catchy, memorable, and if you say it right, a little bit dirty, which means we can all enjoy saying it to each other for the rest of our lives. "Can't believe the news about WAxit," we'll say. "Oh, do you remember WAxit? WAxit was amazing, wasn't it?" "When a problem comes along, you must WAxit". And so on. Conversation will be the richer for it. 2. The improved performance of our sporting teams Currently, Australian sport is kind of in the doldrums. Our cricketers are struggling, our rugby team can't buy a win, the Socceroos are losing respect around the world, and even our champion netballers have had their problems of late. But let WA leave the Federation, and suddenly we have another country to play against — and most importantly, defeat. The Australian cricket team might be no better than even money against Bangladesh, and longer odds in the Ashes, but they could definitely take Western Australia in a best of five series. please log in to view this image PHOTO: Australia risks an embarrassing slide down the Test rankings if it is unable to beat Bangladesh. (AP: AM Ahad) In rugby, the Wallabies will find tests against WA a blessed relief after the torture of the Bledisloe Cup: the west couldn't even keep its Super Rugby team, they'll be easy pickings for our mightyish boys in gold. As for soccer, I foresee a time when we not only beat the snot out of the Sandgropers every time we play them, but can actually lobby FIFA to form a special Australian confederation, so we only have to belt the Westies to qualify for each World Cup. There's no sport where WAxit won't be a boon: netball, basketball, rugby league, hockey; we'll crush the newly minted minnows in every arena, and all real Australian athletes will benefit by the ego boost. As an added bonus, Aussie rules will finally, after years of futile marketing and expansion efforts, become a truly international sport. The annual series between Australia and the Republic of Western Australia will be a sight to behold indeed. It's quite possible the AFL is behind the secession push in the first place, to bring this outcome about. 3. Time zones will become much more manageable GIF: Because maths is hard. Most of Australia exists in a pretty sensible span of time. The east coast — AKA "the important coast" — is in sync, and South Australia only half an hour behind. But hit the western half of the continent and suddenly you have to stagger back two hours, as if the state just wants to rub it in how badly they lag behind the rest of us. When that segment of the landmass is excised, everything will be much more orderly and we can get on with running this country smoothly for once. All that'll be left to do is get South Australia to stop pretending it even matters what time it is in Adelaide, and jump half an hour forward; and legislate against Queenslanders being allowed to decide for themselves whether to have daylight savings. 4. Assertion of military might Australia has a proud military history, but these days rarely gets a chance for a full-on demonstration of our firepower, as major land wars come to our region but rarely. All that will change once we have a large, sparsely-populated, poorly-defended enemy sitting right across our western border. Once WA is independent, we can invade them pretty much whenever we like. Look how long that border is: please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image +- ©Mapbox ©OpenStreetMap Improve this map MAP: It's huge! There aren't enough people in Western Australia to stand watch over the whole thing. Any time Australia is in the mood, we'll be able to just roll the tanks over there, raze Perth to the ground, and come back feeling pretty confident about our place in the world. Give them a chance to rebuild their little city, then go back and do it all again. The Anzacs would be proud. 5. Extra cash for all! We won't have to keep slinging them GST revenue anymore, so we can spend it ourselves on more important things. Like tanks. Plus, we will have more disposable income individually, because international holidays just got a lot cheaper, what with being able to drive there now. 6. More water Australia is notoriously the world's driest country. But after WAxit: not anymore, baby! Now WA is, and they can live with the thirst, while we splash happily about in our new watery wonderland. 7. Offloading undesirables Much in the way that New Zealand gets rid of its less reputable citizens — Derryn Hinch, Richard Wilkins, Phar Lap — by sending them to Australia to live, getting rid of Western Australia will allow us to hive off our least-wanted notables. GIF: Seeya. Wouldn't wanna be ya! The act of secession in itself will rid us of Twiggy Forrest, Gina Rinehart, Eskimo Joe and Rolf Harris in one fell swoop: they'll no longer be Australian, they'll be Westralian. And from then on we can use it as a dumping ground for anyone else we want to get rid of, by just tipping them out the back of a truck in the Nullarbor and not letting them back in. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but given all the many benefits that will flow to us over in the good bit of Australia, I say we give WAxit a chance, and tell our western cousins that if they want to leave, go for your lives.
