I've been severely violated today in what can only be described as one of the most heinous crimes a woman could ever commit against a man. Come home from work to find a skip being filled with stuff from my shed. She couldn't tell me because, apparantly, I'm a hoarding ****. All my valuable leftovers & bits n bobs that have taken an adulthood to assemble & my collection of stuff that I may one day need, simply discarded. Then just as I'm thinking "what a ****" the bombshell, my 20x10 man place is being replaced with a 12x10 option "to avoid us gathering all the **** again". We didn't gather it, I did, it's mine. I'm off to my photography class in a right ****ing mood. That young bird who wants to do weddings is gonna get the **** stared out of her tits tonight & my dirty thoughts directed her way as I imagine photographing them & her stubly minge. Bastards.
Wow. I don't know what to say. I thought you were made of sterner, more manly stuff than to be bossed about by a woman. I now feel hollow.
Blimey, what a hoe! I never saw that coming! Good on you for being a rake tonight though. Hope you nail that bird from your class. Sounds like you need a good screw. Staring at tits is a vice of mine as well! Have to conceal my wood when I do it, mind. Anyway, keep your spirit level up.
His balls are in the skip, next to his stuff. Wonder if wifey is replacing your man place with a lovely plastic shed.
On my sky news app today I read the story about the Indonesian army doing a test on the female cadets! They only accept virgins! So a male officer has the job of trying to get 2 fingers in them! If he can't they're allowed in! Now that's what I call violation.
****'s sake, Ben - get a grip. I'm staggered that a woman not only emptied your shed, but has actually ordered you another one. I'm embarrassed for you. Please sort it out.
You had to shed some light on this outrage. Itching powder on her undies draw should be a good revenge.
Ben. I'm just gonna assume that the above are a series of bizarre euphemisms. And you've actually just shagged some lucky bint senseless. And are now basking in the warming glowy glow of post-coital smoochy snuggliness. And that your post is to be read as a celebration of all that is manly and virile about you. I'm gonna assume that because the alternative is just too shocking and upsetting to contemplate.
Come on, let's not get into the irony ****e; this is Sir Cheshire Ben's day. Don't even think of trying to hijack his moment; it has cost him ... Ben, Sir, you'll get through this.
Ooh, I'm staying out of this ****, sorry Ben. We'll still be mates and that but...anyway I've the windows to do and I forgot about the ironing and....
I'm back & made sure "I want to do weddings" caught me focussing in on her boobicles. I smiled when she noticed. I'm gonna slip one off the wrist when I go to bed. If she says owt I'll tell her that I usually do my flicking in the shed so tough titty. Now to the serious **** Golf Clubs & trolley - "you're not allowed to play anymore" they're still ****ing mine, I can take them for a ****ing walk & feel like I do. They're out the skip. Squash rackets - "you're not allowed to play anymore" so ****ing what, I use them to twat wasps. They're out the skip. Two pressure barrels for my home brew - "you haven't done any for 18months" I've been ill you ****. Making ale, cider & wine has been the last thing on my mind. Garden ****, my garden ****. Tools, some even still worked. Tins of paint. Tiles, Sports bag with my football kit. All my benches made out of old bits of ****. I don't want new ones, I want the ones I made. My off cuts of drain pipes, guttering, conduit, & copper pipe. The list is endless, I'm welling up. Charlie, I let her house a 5x3 plastic carbunkle in my space & allow her to keep a freezer & tumble drier in it without ever whinging about it. They've not been touched. When she told me she'd ordered a new one, plastic was the first thing that crossed my mind. It's wood with an apex roof, I hope she's happy in it!! The house is going on the market in about 3 years, what a ****ing waste. I'm sure she's done it because I told her I was thinking of getting a juke box, for my shed, I still might & find room for it in the kitchen. ****, **** & bollocks.
