Van Persie out for rest of season after Ferguson shouted at him http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport...n-after-ferguson-shouted-at-him-2012082238848 ROBIN Van Persie is expected to be out for at least nine months after some very loud shouting by Sir Alex Ferguson. The new Manchester United star is convalescing in Holland where trained soothers are giving him a temple massage with spa water infused with essence of tulip. Following Unitedâs defeat to Everton, Van Persie was horrified to discover that his new manager used very nasty swear words and spoke in an aggressive tone. Minutes later, psychiatric nurses were called to the dressing room and Van Persie was removed in a wheel chair, sobbing uncontrollably as a wet patch spread rapidly over his groin. The Dutch star said: âSuch awful words. And he threw a cup. No one has ever spoken to me like that â not my mother, my teacher, my pastor and certainly not Mr Wenger. âMy parents were artists in Rotterdam, When I was 14 and some rough girls teased me about my bow legs I ran weeping to my mother. She said to ignore them, that I had been granted twinkle toes by the angels and I was destined to dance through life, free of all horridness. But now this beastly manâ¦â When he first joined Feyenoord, Van Persieâs mother issued him with a note, passed on in turn to Arsene Wenger, stating that he had âdelicate bones, delicate ligaments, delicate hamstrings and especially, delicate nerves â he is my delicate little fairy artist boyâ. But the note never reached Old Trafford and may have been lost along with Van Persieâs cotton wool padded romper suit. Sir Alex said: âI thought I was pretty mild â I just called him a âuseless wee bucket of ****â. âHe started crying so I said to him, âharden up, itâs not as if youâre living in Glasgowâ. Then he said, âwhatâs Glasgow?â and so I told him and he started crying again.â
I know but hadn't been on the Mash for a while and couldn't find it on your board. It's a good one. loved this bit.
It's not a bad one by Daily Mash standards, but as with most DM ones it drags the joke out till it's not really funny any more. Most of their efforts would be a lot funnier if they were about half as long imo. Tho' I did like this one: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport...-morality-expectation-confusion-2012082439046
"Fulham also made enquiries about why they are not playing in the Champion’s League, why they can’t have an 80,000 seater stadium like Barcelona and why other teams are allowed to have players that are quicker, stronger and better than theirs." Also This one is about the right length for that type of comedy article imo: http://www.talksport.co.uk/magazine/features/120901/michael-owen-traps-finger-transfer-window-180004 Michael Owen is set for another spell on the sidelines after injuring his little finger when the transfer window slammed shut last night. The former footballer was peeking through the window, hoping to secure a late move, when Sky Sports News frontman Jim White slammed the window at 11pm, painfully trapping Owen's digit in the process. "It's a blow for the lad," said Mark Owen out of Take That, before making a pun joke about Michael Owen now being out of the frame for a move this season. "I really feel for him, but I've got to go and sing a song on a Morrisons ad now. See ya!" The striker had earlier looked likely to sign for Stoke City, but after pestering manager Tony Pulis with phone calls begging him for a contract, the Potters manager is reported to have claimed that Owen was "a little forward". The highlighted bit is brilliant on so many levels
