Today’s Press Conference: Latest Update

Wendy, the Newcastle United head of PR admitted there have been mistakes made at the club and insists that the club are working 100% towards rectifying them.

“As in any business, you can make fundamental errors that distance the customers from the brand. These are often overlooked in the planning stages and are only highlighted by the customer base after you’ve released your new product or update.”

The club has been rocked on its heels due to a backlash from an irate fan highlighting a glitch in his match day experience.

“The offender has been reprimanded by the board and has been told that any other occurrences of this disastrous behaviour will result in a contract termination” Wendy confirmed.

“I’d like to say sorry to the fan and assure him that we’ve dealt with the matter in house. It will not happen again.”

The supporter in question who began the furore is a resident of Whitley Bay and was at the press conference stated “I’m ****ing happy that this **** has been sorted out. I don’t hate the ****ing guy and I’m not racist or anything. ****ing hell. I don’t have anything against Argentina either but when that ****ing **** didn’t wave to me I was ****ing ***ed off and then some ****ing nonce stared ****ing having a go at my ****ing language so I told the **** that I can ****ing say what the **** I like!”

Wendy then suffered a volte face after the supporter had voiced his thoughts.

“If it comes to it we’ll just send Tiote to his house and have the foul mouthed little weasel killed. Jonas is a vital part to the team but I’m sure we’re all agreed that this prick can just go and support the Mackems.”

The offensive twat piped up before being removed by security “Enrique going….” As he was dragged through the doors the last remnant of his voice tailed off with “… to Greggs. The fat ****”.

 

Did Wendy wave though?

 

Brilliant!

 

Quality