Off Topic Things

You hate to hear.

My most hated.. The taxman will love you... only knobbers say this.

No thanks I'm on a diet.... ffs.

It's to hot.... ffs typical brits.

I'm ****ing freezing......see above.

Paki. Even I'm shocked at just how little people know about the world.


Love Island complaints on main news ffs.. wtf is that **** all about. Only sad counts watch it.

Cover daily death rates.....yeah yeah. We get it ffs

 

Don't take this the wrong way but.............


Usually said when you couldn't possibly take it the wrong way because the **** is just being insulting, obnoxious or downright rude.

 

I’m not being funnaaaaay... usually some southern half brained slut with lips like an over inflated paddling pool, never being remotely funny.

 

Yeah, we’ve decided to go vegan….

You’ll miss your wine then..

Sorry what, wine?

Yeah wine, most of it isn’t vegan, you can buy vegan wine but it costs.

Oh, well we might skip the wine bit.

So you’re not going vegan then?

Yeah, just not the wine, and maybe fish.

No, that’d make you a pescatarian not a vegan.

But we won’t eat cheese, so you’re wrong.

^^^ an actual conversation I had this.

 

"I'm not gonna lie"

Yes you are

"To be (perfectly) honest"

You won't be

 

Yup, amazing how many of the silly shhites don't know this.

I'm going to try some vegetable quarter pounders tonight, they've got the vegan logo on them, main ingredients; Vegetable (54%) (Carrot, Onion, Sweetcorn, Green Bean, Peas, Cauliflower, Red Pepper, Potato) - they caught my eye because I saw no nuts and seeds in the list, which makes a change. Albeit the dietary information, contains a nut warning, but not problem.

 

Waitrose sell a pretty good vegan Spanish sausage whirl (think they might also do an Italian version too now) ... we tried the Spanish ones when we made a pasta dish for Vegans ...

 

As for things hating to hear, just Brits in general!

 

Have to admit that 'funny' Brits abroad in local restaurants summoning waiting staff with 'hilarious' stereotypes (or much worse) has made me cringe on more than one occasion ...

 

Bit lazy but I tried some readymade bubble & squeak cakes this week, that you put in the oven for about 15 mins, £2.20 for 4. I quite enjoyed them, about the closest I've had to making my own. I looked up a while back why stuff like this had stopped being manufactured for the frozen department of the supermarkets, the answer I found there was not enough demand for it to make it a viable option. So it looks like someone is trying the fresh made chilled route now.

 

Welcome to EE my name is Svirandapashminhrubatth Rhanmbathanhapashivalaminpatoor Ow pa la Addis hu toodey?

Can I cancel my contract with you please

Hu sertinle sir soooooo Hu want to upgrade your mobile deeevice toodey?

Die

 

Punks who want you to sign up to a charity with their fake excitement

knock knock

‘hi’

‘haaaaai, awwww, I’ve got a cat too…what’s his name?’

‘Benny’

‘awwww, that’s so cute…haaaaai Benny…anyway lol I remember when I got my first cat oh my daaays….awww…oh wow you’ve got a kid too.

‘yeh, got 2’

‘awwww, hey, I bet you wouldn’t want your kid starving, well, that’s what people have to do in some parts of the world. Your daddy loves you though, he wouldn’t let you starve, aww isn’t he cute’

‘Hm’

‘So, you seem like a caring guy…would you be interested in contributing a small monthly amount, you won’t miss it, you seem like you care about living things, especially humans…imagine if that was your son’

‘ok…leave me a leaflet and I’ll fink bowt it’

‘no, you have to sign up today, it’s only a one off offer, must be signed today, aww them flowers in your garden look amazing, oh my daaays wow…so would you like to sign up today? It’s not much, you seem like a nice caring father’

please log in to view this image

 

Same with the charidee workers on the high street.

I get it, it's a tough gig to try and get people to sign up, but seriously, a big grin and sliding over towards me sideways with a 'HI ! how are you today ?'

I'm fine, great in fact. And you know what, I'll remain just fine if you kindly **** off and don't bother me

 

Having to phone up any service provider:

We are experiencing extra demand for our services right now and your wait may take a little longer than usual. We want you to know that we really value your custom and we will be delighted to serve you, just as soon as one of our dedicated operators becomes available. Please be assured that we're working as quickly as we can to address your issue as we know how important it is to you.

You are 56th in the queue.......

 

The old charity muggers.
Was best when I was in dialysis and they are collecting for some dog charity. Would do a quick flash of the pipes and tubes I had going in/out and ask if they have signed a donor card, soon got rid of them!

 

Or your bank

 

@Commachio , you still alive geezer? Heard these guys and thought of you...

 

Yeah mate, just about. Canny tune

 

Employer "hello Welshie, is it possible you could work extra today?"

My brain: You mean like I do every day you cheap ****ing ****s. How about you tell that prick, no you cant pull a sickie again and make them work?"

Me: "Ye sure ok"

Brain: ****!