Things We Also Don't Give A Sh!t About!!!!

Considering that attributing any level of serious and conscious attention to this season is, at best, becoming a suitable analogy for the unabashed feelings of dread and awkwardness that predate a man's first prostate exam (especially if that exam is not by a qualified medical professional... and not carried out with a finger) with increasing rapidity, and at worst resembles the sense of humiliation and violation that are the subsequent consequence, I thought it fairly contrite to avoid the topic completely and discuss the overwhelming tendency towards apathy exhibited within the vast majority of posts contributing to the DNA of our board since the end of the transfer window...So, below details some of the things that I am meant to give a s*** about, but as yet am unwilling to find the motivation to comply.

1. Dolphins. We've all heard it, the erroneous comments, "Awwww They're so beautiful", "Awwwww They're so majestic", "Awwww They're almost as intelligent as humans"... No, these aren't merely the whimsical domain of prepubescent female teens who've skirted rickets since birth due to a hermit lifestyle of facebook>watch flipper>snog a pillow and pretend it's Leonardo Di Caprio (or a f***ing dolphin), but Marine-biologists (who, to be fair, live a hermit lifestyle of facebook>watch flipper>dry hump a now crusty pillow and pretend it's Leonardo Di Caprio (or a f***ing dolphin)). At least the latter cliche is somewhat relatable, seeing as I admittedly enjoy researching Mackems on the Not606 Sunderland board, but it's still utterly tiresome having to navigate life in a world of unshaven and unwashed hippy cheerleaders.

When I see a sickly kid on TV lamely paddling around, while a sex starved Dolphin considers whether it'll get a treat for twerking up on it and sticking his fish tongue in it's ear like last time (or maybe, "Awwwww They're almost as intelligent as Dolphins"), I cannot help but feel compelled towards the thought "you wasted your wish you boring b******". The "Make A Wish Foundation" (or the "Parrot Mummy's Wish Because She Owns The Camera And She'll Be The One Remembering This In 3 Months Time Foundation", as I term it) might as well bloody own a Dolphin, as continually pour their resources into the local Sea World Brothels, orchestrating shows of our closest marine relatives much like the presentation of a veritable catalogue of whores at any good Thai house of ill repute. I have more pressing concerns than what makes Tuna 10% more yummy, and so should everyone else.

2. National Obesity. The media have perpetuated the agenda of discussing the nation's explosion of fat people (not literally, before a Daily Mail journalist runs off to gleefully recount his latest scoop) within the statistics. The BBC, the ones we pay to prop up, reported on a survey by a Crackpot University that estimated 75% or so of the nation in 50 years time, would be fat. Firstly, "fat" is a description within the given parameters of societal judgement, thus "normal" is a cultural phenomenon and "fat" or "slim" only of relevance when compared with that norm, so 75% of people being fat is incomprehensible garbage. Secondly, so what? In terms of the basic biology, we're all competing in the most important way, sexually (except Tash), so if a few million of our rivals want to stuff a Mars Bar in their mouth rather than their Twinky in a woman, why should I complain? Frankly, given my stated aversion to The Make A Wish Foundation and the cuteness of Dolphins already outlined, i need every advantage I can get.

3. Planning. I have to admit to being a relaxed kind of a chap, as you'll have gathered from my gentle pondering and perspectives, and about as far removed from the motivated OCD Raccoons I see being hailed as "successful" on television. My general preference for unpreparedness tends to lead to adventure and amusing anecdotes, and while, yes, it also resulted in me being mugged on the Spanish steps by two middle aged gypsy men... In front of other tourists (Well, I say mugged, technically there was no knife, or actual threat of violence, beyond the isolated look of violence I caught shimmering, like a wave basking in the moonlight upon the Mediterranean, in one of their vibrant green eyes... It was more a "give me your money" and me lamely obliging... The same racket, I might add, is pulled quite profilicly by the Northumberland street charity workers, with the same disastrous consequences and distraught emotions. At least the gypsies don't e-mail me every three weeks to rub it in that they have my money), I would not trade my lackadaisical approach to life for anything (though I do wish I could go to the gym once in a while, before I become one of the 75%!).

So, what do you guys and dolls not give a sh!t about?

 

MP's - they're all a bunch of self serving bellends who are a drain on our resources.

REP- It's sooo last year and along with tags are a complete waste of time.

 

I guess that means you can give me yours then.

 

Justin Bieber
Celebrity Magazines
Netball
ITV
High Viz anything
Jennifer Aniston
Environmental Taxes and Levies
Death
Galaxy Chocolate
Carling Black Label
Fuel Economy
Coloured Underwear
Scottish Independence
Emerdale/Coronation Street/Eastenders etc
Frank Skinner
Left Wing Luvies who spout political crap while banking millions and trying to avoid tax
Garage/House/Electronic/Rap/Sampled and ripped off music, if you want to be an artist then learn to play an instrument, Studio Pro, Autotune and a Laptop does not make you a ****ing musician.

 

Can't believe that none of you have put the magnificent cheesy chips on your lists!!

 

anything the above poster has to say

 

So what have you got against Agent Bruce then?

 

He's already given it to the Karen Gillian fund.

 

This. When I get talking to a 'musican' of that ilk, I always ask (a) what key it's in and (b) whether they can do it in another.

 

Breathing out. A totally overrated activity that only complete squares still do. I sit around breathing in and believe me, massive fan, it stops my brain from dying but breathing out? Puh-lease!

 

ahh, at last a place to air my most irrelevant of griefs... here we go then

- seagulls. They can **** off
- Any sports teams with a stupid colour for their away kit. Normally us I have to say XD
- Daytime tv adverts
- people who whore for likes on facebook
- trainspotters. Whats with those people?
- People who play bass with fingers and get angry at people who play with pick
- People who know one song and claim they love the band
- people who see a band in black and say they are emo
- keyboard warriors
- cheese that isn't in a normal shape
- people who say being kicked in the balls is the worst pain ever. They have clearly never stood on a plug in the dark
- people who say America is the best country on earth. They have clearly never been to Sweden or Uganda
- other brands of baked beans than Heinz
- Rap/hip-hop music and associated genres
- formation porn that is not radical, new or innovative in any way
- tags which do not insinuate beastiality
- fruit which isn't sweet
- cranberry juice. WTF is that for???
- people who drop litter, they should be forcibly castrated with a boulder...
- people who have enough time to read this far in the list, go and do something useful with your life
- smelly dogs
- whiny politicians who never offer any alternative (Labour are fantastic at this right now XD )
- when a crisp packet has burst a little so all the crisps are soft and stale

I could go one forever...

 

I'm not going to get into this because I will quickly become boring...but your wrong.

 

How so?

I appreciate it still takes a level of artistry to create anything musically original, but you can't disagree on the difference between someone who is a musician and someone who's a musical artist?.

 

Watch Dave Grohl's documentary about Studio City in Van Nuys California, the analogue argument and the fortuitous mistake are wrapped within this, OED Musician.. a person who plays a musical instrument, especially as a profession, or is musically talented.

 

I'm going to add not giving a **** about the definition of a musician









But anything that's not been touched by Boyzone should be burned. Burned!!!!!!

 

Middlesbrough

 

Have you been touched by Boyzone?

 

I care about Middlesbrough. I went to the Polytechnic there in the 70s and I care very much for the place.

As in, I take great care that I never go back there again...

 

That's right. I listen to people like John Lord, Albert Lee, Rory Gallagher, Neil Peart and Peter Green all the while and it's never long before I think "but these aren't real musicaians like these sampling, scratch dub DJs because these lads with the Apple notebooks, double turntables and Beatz headphones is where real music is at".

 

It's a great sight seeing that big cloud of black, brown, grey, orange smog coming over the the top of the stands and descending onto the field.

Cough cough.