Anybody ever noticed there's always a woman/girl who get's really het up just before the opposition have a chance/score a goal. It's like, "no, no ****ING NOO [scream]" I like football and I like it when City win, but not to the point where I sound like I'm on fire. You can usually hear them on highlight programs like Football League show and that. Also, I really hope we draw Crawley next season, I want to spark that **** with the cow bell who rings it after EVERY Crawley goal. I originally thought it was automated, like a ****, poor people version of goal music, but it's actually a guy doing it. Any other quirks in football that peeve you? Name change material, anti Allam stuff isn't welcome here. Not today. And also Dave Benson Phillips. He knows what he did.
Fans of top clubs here, all whom have no connection to the UK who picked a club based off the number of titles they had.
The fat twats that claim they could have done better than X player (who just missed a shot/tackle) despite taking up two seats and running out of breath after going for a piss
NEVER try to analyze a girl/woman's thinking Sterling. They are very strange. (Are you married to one?). "When you've got a minute" means "NOW"! When they say "Correct me if I'm wrong" DON'T! It's a trap! When they want something really bad and they say "I might give you sex later", the accent is on the word "might". Get it down on paper and delete the word 'might' and insert the word 'will' and in front of the word 'sex' insert 'passionate' (otherwise they will just lay there, reading a book and keep asking you if you've finished yet). Then get her to sign it and post it on the internet! When THEY want to go out you'll get "Are you getting ready"? and you'll say "You said 7-o-clock and it's only half past six" they will shout "SEVEN-O-CLOCK MEANS HALF PAST SIX"! When they DON'T want to go out they will go through clothing change after clothing change waiting for you to say "Hurry up" so they can start a fight and say that they are staying in (and so are you). If you ignore them they will come out with their 'trump card' and say "Does my @rse look big in this"? which, the mere flicker of an eyelash from you, will send them into a fury equal to 10 atom bombs going off. You have been warned!
I'm told that Cuba is the only country in the world where the correct answer to this question is 'Yes'.
The fat twats that thinking wearing a replica shirt looks cool. Or outside of football, fat lasses who wear trainers and tight jogging bottoms. The only f*****g running they do is to the fridge.
I once sat directly behind that Pompey ****er with the cow bells at an England game, never have I been more ****ed off by a fellow fan.
I thank the following (Mr. Hat, over18and legal and Hull city afc(Kempton) like this) for liking my previous post. I forgot to add that recent DNA testing (and DNA don't lie) on a 4 million year old little beast (in Latin - Dunnemus Rodentus) discovered in Africa, has shown that ALL females on this planet are descended from it. Modern day translation: Dunnemus - Dunny - outside toilet - s h i t house. Rodentus - Rodent - Rat! By comparison us mere males are descended from another little beast of the same era and place called Chookasaurus Pock-Pock which in today;s language is a Chicken. That is why we are all s h i t scared of them. Now you know!
Do you do stand up TigerRoo? Can't wait to tell our lass your findings/observations. I will look forward to my hospital food
You like football and like City to win. But in relative peace and quiet presumably. If you get uptight about a cow bell after a goal I assume you never used to go to Lincoln where someone set an air raid siren off every time they got a corner.
I reckon the woman's classic is when WE are ill we get a glass of water and a packet of Paracetamol followed by "I'm going out"! BUT, when THEY are sick, we have to be there 24/7 because THEY have got every disease known to man and can't move (usually this means they have a sprained ankle). We then make the fatal mistake of asking them if they would like something to eat and, after sinking their fingers into your arm like they only had a few seconds to live accompanied by spasmatic moans and groans of excruciating agony, reply "I'll just have a Large Pizza, and a Small one, a large bottle of Coke, some chicken nuggets, an ice cream and a Cappuccino. You'd better hurry, I don't know if I'll be here when you get back"! (With bottom lip trembling throughout). What a load of GARBAGE or, as we say in Italy "Horsa-s h i tta"! Remember "Dunnemus Rodentus"!
To be honest most women are a lot more stoical than men where pain and illness are concerned. My wife is far tougher than any male I know where those things are concerned. It is also a fair assumption that if men were the ones who gave birth most families would only have one kid. My main amazement was when the kids were living at home they could stumble i, fall face forward into their bedroom door or miss their footing and bounce back down the stairs and if I mentioned what a state they were in she would say she hadn't heard anything. But I could creep in more stealthily than a cat burglar, decide not to disturb here and kip on the sofa and the following morning be greeted with " did you get chatting to someone? It was 11.48 when you came in". Women. I didn't know what happiness was until I got married. Then it was too late.
No, I like the atmosphere rocking, just without goal music, goal cowbells and screaming bints. I'd forgotten about the air raid siren, I always thought it was going to be the start of Two Tribes. Like they had corner music instead of goal music.
You should have consulted the "TigerRoo School on how to treat women" Castro. You NEVER come home late and try to sneak into the house 'stealthily'! Slam the door when you get home late! Slam it again! Go to the toilet and piss right in the middle. Splash it about. Flush it! Flush it again! Take all your clothes off and kick the bedroom door open and shout "Geezus I'm feeling horny tonight"! 25-1 she's fast asleep!
Goal music should be made a criminal offence and any club using it shut down and the stadium razed to the ground, and, like the Romans did at Carthage, salt ploughed into the earth to stop grass growing there again.
I heard that the Leeds women's football team want to be equal to the men. I already thought they were. When they play there are eleven c***s on the field.
Haha..comedy gold I might try that. I will check with HRI to see if they have a bed ready for me first though.
Reminds me of Rory Bremner doing a Richie Benaud sketch a few years ago. (You have to imagine it in a Benaud voice complete with pause). "It has been mentioned Enland played like a load of girls in the last test...that maybe not a bad idea as I've just heard the ladies team have won their game by an innings and 92 runs".
We should have more threads like this. Laughter keeps us young Smile at a woman and that can create 2 reactions. The woman smiles back . Your lass frowns at you...cue HRI
Bob Monkhouse clip on the other day. " Getting older hasn't caused me any problems. I'm still having regular sex at 68. Mind you it isn't far to go I only live at number 66".