The weekend is here...

[MON the Mackem]

So who's got any decent Friday jokes...?



Pastor Flaps was out drinking one night in his local when he seen Mrs O'Sullivan who helped out at the church drinking on her own and a little worse for wear, after a while he decided it was time to take her up the road, he started to help her out the door when they both fell over, as they landed Pastor Flaps landed on top of Mrs O'Sullivan in a very compromising position

the landlord see's this and goes 'excuse me sir not in here'

'no you dont understand i'm Pastor Flaps' replies the Pastor

barman replies 'oh rite if your that far you may aswell just finish off'




AL get me coat

 

[NEMO]

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup

 

[Bumblebore]

My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready when finally she flung open the door and said "honestly do I look fat in this?" I replied "yes love. But to be fair it is a small bathroom".

 

[MackemsRule]

Cheryl : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten quid and the thick ones went for twenty quid."
Geordie : "How about the ones like mine?"
Cheryl : "Those they gave away."
Geordie : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off ****s. The pretty ones went for a thousand quid, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Cheryl : "And how much for the ones like mine?"


Geordie : "That's where they held the auction."