The riverside massacre So what shall we talk about this week? Extraordinary weather weâve been having. id you see Robbie Savage on Strictly â what aâ¦.oh itâs no good â Iâll have to get it over with. Yes, Sunday was London derby day. A Kyle Walker cracker did for Arsenal, while Andy Johnson bagged the luckiest of hat-tricks as Fulham snatched a narrow 6-0 win over rivals QPR, with all of the goals coming against the run of play. It didnât take long for the barrage of texts to come in from mickey-taking mates, none of whom support Fulham and all of them too old to be using acronyms like LOL, ROFL and LMAO. And before anyone had the chance to ask, I informed them that yes I had got a six-pack in, I was tuned into 6 Music and if I lived anywhere near the sea and my other half hadnât been on the early shift the next day, I would indeed have been having six on the beach. âIt wasnât so much men against boys as a squadron of crack SAS troops doing battle with a team of Blue Peter presenters brandishing Fairy Liquid bottles and sticky-backed plastic.â Quite appropriate given that the last time these two sides met Shaggy was number one in the charts. And there were no doubt a few players reciting the mantra âIt Wasnât Meâ when the post-match inquest began. And to think it had all started off so well. On a ridiculously hot October afternoon we met at a pub overlooking the Thames in Hammersmith and sauntered along the river path to Craven Cottage. It may be a little dated but only the most hardened minimalist could deny it is one of the most romantic grounds in the country. None of this modern Legoland stadium-by-numbers lark, but a proper old football ground built in an age when players earned the same as the fans and the only roast they were interested in was dished up on Sunday with Yorkshire pudding and all the trimmings. As I joined the noisy throng in the Putney End I had a feeling it was going to be a good day. Mind you I also had the feeling Iâd win the Euromillions jackpot on Tuesday and just missed out by seven numbers. Within a minute and 19 seconds of kick-off, Johnson â deemed ânot good enough for usâ by some messageboard fans when his name was linked QPR in the summer â pounced to make it 1-0 and the alarm bells were well and truly ringing. What followed was nothing short of an exhibition, with Fulham proudly showing off their wares while their opponents gazed at them open-mouthed. Yes there were square pegs in round holes â what exactly is deputy left-back Clint Hill doing on loan at Nottingham Forest? â but make no mistake, this was an annihilation. QPR boss Neil Warnock admitted his side were cut open like a knife through butter and no-one was in a position to argue. It wasnât so much men against boys as a squadron of crack SAS troops doing battle with a team of Blue Peter presenters brandishing Fairy Liquid bottles and sticky-backed plastic. A few hundred visiting fans decided to go to the bar long before the half-time whistle, with many not making it back for the second half. Some simply walked out of the ground to enjoy the rest of the afternoon sunshine, while the rest were still waiting to be served. And then there was Adel Taarabt. The Moroccan playmaker was substituted at half-time and made his exit before the first tea cup had hit the dressing room wall. Astonished fans whoâd had the same idea posed for pictures as he waited at a bus stop â a revelation which was seized upon by journalists â a footballer waiting for a bus? Youâll be telling us Rhianna uses the London Underground next. Scored three and helped create two - all against the run of play One paper (wrongly) suggested Taarabt was in the pub which freaked me out a little as Iâd had a dream a few weeks ago in which I left a game at half-time for the sanctuary of a boozer only to discover one of the players crying into his beer. (Iâm hoping the next vision I have involves Sir Alex Ferguson briskly shaking Warnockâs hand after Manchester Unitedâs unbeaten league record goes at Loftus Road. Although realistically thereâs more chance of Wayne Rooney requesting a hair transplant reversal.) The majority of QPR fans stuck it out until the bitter end and you couldnât fault the support, although the umpteenth rendition of âweâre the finest football team the world has ever seenâ rang slightly hollow at 6-0 down. âIs this a library?â was another favourite. If only it had been, then perhaps Warnock could have borrowed a copy of that old classic âHow Not To Look Like A Bunch Of Plums When Playing Your Arch Rivalsâ. Rangers supporters also optimistically declared they were âgonna beat Chelsea twiceâ, at about the same time as Frank Lampard was completing his hat-trick in the 5-1 stuffing of Bolton. As the fans flooded out of Craven Cottage, Fulham taunted their visitors with cries of âweâll never play you againâ, which isnât strictly true because theyâre coming to Loftus Road in four monthsâ time, although I appreciate âweâll never play you until February, unless weâre drawn against you in the FA Cupâ doesnât quite scan as well. Afterwards QPR skipper Joey Barton stayed off Twitter for a world record 18 hours, breaking the ice by reminding a smug Piers Morgan that Rangers were still above Arsenal. The following day he went to watch Jools Holland and tweeted his admiration for a band called The Civil Wars, who coincidentally played a song called âBarton Hollowâ, which sounds like it could have been written by his old mate Karl Henry. And finally, letâs hear it for Bartonâs opposite number Danny Murphy, who led by example on and off the pitch. He modestly said afterwards: âQPR just had a bad day at the office.â Fair comment â if your office is UBS, your name is Kweku Adoboli and youâve just lost £1.3bn. [email protected] www.twitter.com/chris__charles iReader http://www.westlondonsport.com/features-comment/the-riverside-massacre/
A great read, cheers Northolt. I loved the bit about the text messages, I had about 20 of them that evening.
Nice one Northolt and thanks for the nice reference to the Cottage. Cheers to the vast majority of your fans, who have been philosophical and good fun before and after the game.
I absolutley hated Fulham & their fans after this match. But after a couple of days reflection, I realised that the majority of them, are just tortured souls, much like us. Although I had to put up with the 'texts' & phone calls in the following days, I realised that they are where I want to be. A genuine club, who knows what the next season will bring? An established Premiership Club, Yet always punching above their weight and upsetting the establisment. That will do for me.
