Off Topic The Rep Brothel

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A priest and a pilot were waiting in line at the Pearly Gates for St Peter.
St Peter had a brief chat with the pilot then gave him a gold halo and he entered heaven. Then St Peter moved onto the priest and gave him a wooden halo.
"Why does he get a get a gold halo whilst I only get a wooden one?" asked the priest.
"It's easy." St Peter replied "We reward by results. When you preached everyone fell asleep whereas when he flew everyone prayed."
 
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Dear@Care4Calais
I have fled war torn London and passed through Beds, Herts and Bucks to Berkshire.
Can you get me a free house and full funding for living please.
I rather like the look of Ascot as I have family ties there,
(mum was a bugger for going to the races).
 
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Last month, a worldwide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

Sadly, the survey was a failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And in the UK, everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
 
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