By special permission of fantasy land promotions, I have secured the exclusive missing tapes to the interview that took place recently at the Cardiff City Stadium between Charlton's CEO, Katrien Miere and ITTV' fiction writer Reams. The interview takes place in the ladies toilet - Cardiff City Stadium. 1.30pm "Er.....Miss, have you got a minute?" "I'm actually using the bathroom" "It won't take long - I wonder if I could ask you a few question?" "Erm well quickly then, but I prefer If I could lock the cubicle door...can you take your foot away please?" "Done" "And now take your head from under the stall" "Ok then...Miss Katrien .... I am well known locally as North Wrexham's leading authority on Strong canned lager and very good at recalling the first ten minutes of Belgium football matches ..the rest of the game not so much..My name is reams my friends call me ....actually just call me reams" "What are you doing now reams?" "Nothing.. Just wiping some gravy of my jogging bottoms" Barely audible from Miss Miere while whispering on a mobile phone ".....he is in here now....yes I was having a shi.....he just came in....scared now....yes get security .." A door is heard to be kicked open and a Welsh male voice says"bloody hell not you again...." The interview then stops and reconvenes a hour later. "I am so sorry about that Katrien..can I just have the picture with just you and me and not the 4 security men?" The interview can be read in full and in completely different versions over on ITTV depending on if Reams is drinking Kronenberg or not.
.....and as Reams is escorted from the Cardiff stadium on suspicion of being a sex pest, he asks for his handcuffs to be loosened. "Why is that?" asks PC Plod "Cos I have to post some bollox on ITTV that I would now trust my life in Katrien's freshly washed hands" replies Rhyls finest....before the door of the police van slams shut.
