Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

There are two goldfish in a tank and one says to the other one "do you know how to drive this thing?"

There are two snowmen in a field and one says to the other, "can you smell carrots?"

Two hungry cannibals are tucking into a clown for dinner when one says to the other "does this taste funny to you?"

Bad news. I know a lot of bad jokes...

 

Those jokes are older than the combined age of all the members of this forum and we've got some oldies.

 

You should be banned

 

An old Japanese gardener asked me what I knew about bonsai trees. I said...

“Very little.”

 

Page 1 of this thread wants its jokes back!

 

I expect we have all dreamed of doing this.

 

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara by camel. On the 3rd day, a storm whips up and they take shelter. When the storm dies down, the camel has died.

"Well, Sister, this looks grim, says the priest. "We can't survive 2 days out here, and we're a week from the nearest camp. Since we're unlikely to live, would you do something for me? I've never seen a woman’s breasts, Sister. Could I see yours?"

The nun, a bit shocked, replies "Under the circumstances, I can't see any harm". So she gets them out.

Then the priest says "Sister, would you mind if I touched them?"

Again, she consents. After a few minutes, the nun asks, "Father, could I ask something of you? I've never seen a man’s "thingy." Could I see yours?"

"Ok" says the priest.

When she examined the priest’s organ she asks, "Can I touch it?" The priest agrees. After a couple of minutes of her attention, he's got a huge stiffy, and the priest whispers "Sister, did you know that if I insert my penis into the right place it can give life?"

"Is that really true?" asks the nun

"Yes" the priest replies.

"Well stick it up that camel’s arse, and then we can get out of here!"

 

Stumbled across this act and was mesmerised by it.