Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
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Dear@Care4Calais
I have fled war torn London and passed through Beds, Herts and Bucks to Berkshire.
Can you get me a free house and full funding for living please.
I rather like the look of Ascot as I have family ties there,
(mum was a bugger for going to the races).
I have fled war torn London and passed through Beds, Herts and Bucks to Berkshire.
Can you get me a free house and full funding for living please.
I rather like the look of Ascot as I have family ties there,
(mum was a bugger for going to the races).
I missed it being in the US, did Gary Linear call himself black or something? Guessing based on the recent jokes on here.
Never mind. Googled it.
Funny enough though, I'm completely white, but I had similar experiences because of my Eastern European skin tone. I can actually understand what he's saying... I got called "Paki" several times by other kids despite having blue eyes (and when young blonde hair... Turned dark brown in teen years).
Definitely not the same as real racism though.
Never mind. Googled it.
Funny enough though, I'm completely white, but I had similar experiences because of my Eastern European skin tone. I can actually understand what he's saying... I got called "Paki" several times by other kids despite having blue eyes (and when young blonde hair... Turned dark brown in teen years).
Definitely not the same as real racism though.
Last month, a worldwide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
Sadly, the survey was a failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in the UK, everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
Sadly, the survey was a failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in the UK, everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent
A husband tells his wife, “I bet you can’t say something that’ll make me happy and sad at the same time”. She thinks for a bit and says “your pen*s is bigger than your brother’s”.
A man decided to tattoo his wife’s name on his pen*s. When hard it reads Wendy on the side of his shaft. When soft it only reads Wy.
On his honeymoon in Jamaica, he’s in the bathroom and notices the guy on the urinal next to him also has Wy tattooed on his pen*s. He asks her if his wife is also named Wendy. The guy replies, “No man, why do you ask?”
The husband explains his Wendy tattoo. The stranger laughs and then says, “When hard, mine reads Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day”.
A young guy walks into a drug store. He says to the cashier, “I’ve been invited to dinner at my girlfriend’s house. Afterwards I hope there’s a chance I get lucky, if you know what I mean.”
The cashier responds, “I assume you’ll be needing condoms, then?” He gives him a pack. The guy pays and heads for the door, before he smiles, turns around, and comes back. “You know what, her mom is pretty hot too, I think I’ll take another pack”.
Later in the day, while he’s at the dinner, the guy sits at the table but doesn’t say a word. The girlfriend’s mother ask him to say grace. He prays, prays, and prays. After he’s finally done, his girlfriend tells him “I didn’t know you were so religious”.
He replies, “I didn’t know your father worked at the drugstore!”
A man decided to tattoo his wife’s name on his pen*s. When hard it reads Wendy on the side of his shaft. When soft it only reads Wy.
On his honeymoon in Jamaica, he’s in the bathroom and notices the guy on the urinal next to him also has Wy tattooed on his pen*s. He asks her if his wife is also named Wendy. The guy replies, “No man, why do you ask?”
The husband explains his Wendy tattoo. The stranger laughs and then says, “When hard, mine reads Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day”.
A young guy walks into a drug store. He says to the cashier, “I’ve been invited to dinner at my girlfriend’s house. Afterwards I hope there’s a chance I get lucky, if you know what I mean.”
The cashier responds, “I assume you’ll be needing condoms, then?” He gives him a pack. The guy pays and heads for the door, before he smiles, turns around, and comes back. “You know what, her mom is pretty hot too, I think I’ll take another pack”.
Later in the day, while he’s at the dinner, the guy sits at the table but doesn’t say a word. The girlfriend’s mother ask him to say grace. He prays, prays, and prays. After he’s finally done, his girlfriend tells him “I didn’t know you were so religious”.
He replies, “I didn’t know your father worked at the drugstore!”