Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
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At the City match
I was at the Man City match the other day and the lad sat next to me called me a c**t.
I would have hit him but I couldn't be bothered to walk half way round the stadium.
I was at the Man City match the other day and the lad sat next to me called me a c**t.
I would have hit him but I couldn't be bothered to walk half way round the stadium.
The accident-prone wood cutter
Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John accidentally cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to the hospital.
When they get to the hospital, a surgeon is able to see them right away. He says he's an expert at reattaching severed limbs, but that the surgery will take around four hours.
Four hours later, Sam returned to the surgeon who told him the operation was a complete success and that John was already at the nearby bar. Sam met John at said bar were John was throwing dart using the arm that had been severed last time Sam saw it.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again and John accidentally cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John to the hospital.
When they get to the hospital, the same surgeon saw them quickly. He says that legs are trickier to reattach than arms and that it should around six hours.
Six hours later, Sam returned to the surgeon who told him the operation was a complete success and that John was already at the nearby soccer field. Sam met John at the soccer field were John was kicking goals with the leg that had been severed last time Sam saw it.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again and John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the hospital.
When they get to the hospital, the same surgeon saw them quickly. He says that heads are really tough to reattach and that if he succeeds, John should be good as new in twelve hours.
Twelve hours later, Sam returned to the surgeon.
"I'm so sorry," he said, "John died."
"I understand doctor," sniffled Sam, "Thanks for trying."
"You misunderstand," said the surgeon, "The surgery went fine. John suffocated in that plastic bag."
Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John accidentally cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to the hospital.
When they get to the hospital, a surgeon is able to see them right away. He says he's an expert at reattaching severed limbs, but that the surgery will take around four hours.
Four hours later, Sam returned to the surgeon who told him the operation was a complete success and that John was already at the nearby bar. Sam met John at said bar were John was throwing dart using the arm that had been severed last time Sam saw it.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again and John accidentally cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John to the hospital.
When they get to the hospital, the same surgeon saw them quickly. He says that legs are trickier to reattach than arms and that it should around six hours.
Six hours later, Sam returned to the surgeon who told him the operation was a complete success and that John was already at the nearby soccer field. Sam met John at the soccer field were John was kicking goals with the leg that had been severed last time Sam saw it.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again and John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the hospital.
When they get to the hospital, the same surgeon saw them quickly. He says that heads are really tough to reattach and that if he succeeds, John should be good as new in twelve hours.
Twelve hours later, Sam returned to the surgeon.
"I'm so sorry," he said, "John died."
"I understand doctor," sniffled Sam, "Thanks for trying."
"You misunderstand," said the surgeon, "The surgery went fine. John suffocated in that plastic bag."
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a
blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food
to replenish his justspent energy.
He pours himself a glass of milk
and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty
hot,so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off.
Just then the blonde
walks in and says,
"Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."
blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food
to replenish his justspent energy.
He pours himself a glass of milk
and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty
hot,so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off.
Just then the blonde
walks in and says,
"Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."