Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
-
Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
-
Nigerians ordering pizza in from London on British Airways, agriculture minister says
Nigerians are ordering pizzas from London and transporting them over 3000 miles using British Airways, the country’s Minister of Agriculture has claimed.
According to Audu Ogbeh, the African nation’s new international takeaway trend has become “annoying” and officials are desperate to bring an end to it.
Speaking at a Senate committee hearing in Abuja, the 71-year-old politician said: “They buy in London, they bring it on British Airways in the morning to pick up at the airport.
“It is a very annoying situation and we have to move a lot faster in cutting down some of these things.”
Although Mr Ogbeh did not specify which Nigerians were making the orders, his comments raised a few eyebrows and prompted a mixed reaction on social media.
One person tweeted: “Dear @British_Airways, how come you didn't tell us you run a pizza delivery service to Nigeria? Is there an app for this?“
Another said: “What’s the crime there? Doesn’t the same BA flight return to London with fresh vegetables from Anambra? If people like UK pizzas what’s wrong with that?”
You must log in or register to see images
Nigerians are ordering pizzas from London and transporting them over 3000 miles using British Airways, the country’s Minister of Agriculture has claimed.
According to Audu Ogbeh, the African nation’s new international takeaway trend has become “annoying” and officials are desperate to bring an end to it.
Speaking at a Senate committee hearing in Abuja, the 71-year-old politician said: “They buy in London, they bring it on British Airways in the morning to pick up at the airport.
“It is a very annoying situation and we have to move a lot faster in cutting down some of these things.”
Although Mr Ogbeh did not specify which Nigerians were making the orders, his comments raised a few eyebrows and prompted a mixed reaction on social media.
One person tweeted: “Dear @British_Airways, how come you didn't tell us you run a pizza delivery service to Nigeria? Is there an app for this?“
Another said: “What’s the crime there? Doesn’t the same BA flight return to London with fresh vegetables from Anambra? If people like UK pizzas what’s wrong with that?”
This Big Game Hunter walked into the Bar and bragged to everyone about his Hunting Skills.
The man was undoubtedly a Good Shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said,
"That they could Blindfold him and he would recognize any Animal's Skin from its Feel, and if he could Locate the Bullet Hole he would even tell them what Caliber the Bullet was, that Killed the Animal..???
The Hunter said that he was willing to prove it. If they would put up the Drinks, and so the Bet was on.
They Blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first Animal Skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "BEAR"..
Then he felt the Bullet Hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 Rifle." And he was right.
They brought him another Skin, one that someone had in their Car Trunk.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, "ELK, shot with a 7mm Mag Rifle."
Again he was right.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a Round of Drinks.
Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had One Hell of a Shiner.
He said to his Wife,
"I know I was Drunk last night, but Not Drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this Black-Eye"..???
His Wife angrily replied,
"I gave it to you. You got into Bed and put your hand down my Panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced,
“SKUNK, killed with a ****ing big AXE”..
The man was undoubtedly a Good Shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said,
"That they could Blindfold him and he would recognize any Animal's Skin from its Feel, and if he could Locate the Bullet Hole he would even tell them what Caliber the Bullet was, that Killed the Animal..???
The Hunter said that he was willing to prove it. If they would put up the Drinks, and so the Bet was on.
They Blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first Animal Skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "BEAR"..
Then he felt the Bullet Hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 Rifle." And he was right.
They brought him another Skin, one that someone had in their Car Trunk.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, "ELK, shot with a 7mm Mag Rifle."
Again he was right.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a Round of Drinks.
Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had One Hell of a Shiner.
He said to his Wife,
"I know I was Drunk last night, but Not Drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this Black-Eye"..???
His Wife angrily replied,
"I gave it to you. You got into Bed and put your hand down my Panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced,
“SKUNK, killed with a ****ing big AXE”..
A young school girl says, "Mummy, I know where babies come from!"
Mum replies,"Where's that then darling?"
Girl says, "Mummy & Daddy take their clothes off & Daddy's thingy sort of sticks out & Mummy puts it in her mouth & sucks it & that's how you get babies!"
Shaking her head, Mum says "Oh darling that's so sweet, but that's not how we get babies,.......that's how we get flowers, jewellery, clothes,shoes & all the decorating done"!
Mum replies,"Where's that then darling?"
Girl says, "Mummy & Daddy take their clothes off & Daddy's thingy sort of sticks out & Mummy puts it in her mouth & sucks it & that's how you get babies!"
Shaking her head, Mum says "Oh darling that's so sweet, but that's not how we get babies,.......that's how we get flowers, jewellery, clothes,shoes & all the decorating done"!
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls
and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
I asked my wife to pretend she was a schoolgirl for our anniversary, she brought a note from her mum saying she had a headache.
My wife just rang to say Gavin from AutoGlass has just been and injected his resin into her crack. I'm not normally suspicious, but we don't own a car