Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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A man enters a confessional, and says to the Irish Priest,
"Father, it has been one month since my last confession, and I've sinned with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The Priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."
Soon, another man enters the confessional.

"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have sinned with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the Priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"

"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.

"Very well," says the Priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."

The next morning in church, the Priest is preparing to deliver his sermon, when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle, and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The Priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The Priest turns to the altar boy and asks in a whisper, "Is that Fannie Green?"

The altar boy replies ................. "No Father,

I think it's just the reflection off her shoes"
 
A boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says "Where were you...?
"I was with Jessica." He replied.
"What were you doing"...?
"We were studying"...
After picking a snack off the table the son says, "These fishcakes are lovely"...
Dad replies, "Wash your hands son; they're ****ing donuts"...
 
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moreinjuredthanowen said:
if frankie boyle told that he'd be arrested for a hate crime.

Carr seems to be able to get away with murder.
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Friend of mine went to see him ( Bournemouth I think ) .

When he said it , the laughs were like " I can't believe he said that " a bit like Borat , not laughing at the " Joke " But more in a nervous kind of way ?
 
Number 1 Jasper said:
Friend of mine went to see him ( Bournemouth I think ) .

When he said it , the laughs were like " I can't believe he said that " a bit like Borat , not laughing at the " Joke " But more in a nervous kind of way ?
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yeah, it's a get this one in for the tv show stuff. he is in the position where crowds want to laugh at his show so he can push it.

get them going then slip in the odd thing that belongs in the 1980s and then here we are talking jimmy Carr.
 
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I got tickets for Russell Howard. he goes the opposite way, his tv show is over peachy esp about feminism etc but his live shows are nothing like it.

should be good show.
 
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