you are not a twat by any means, i dont think i will ever get over it, but i lost my mam 20 years ago in a car crash in florida, i didnt go and they had the crash 1 day into their 2 week holiday, my brother and sister were critical for 2 weeks with head injuries and god knows what else (they did survive) and i didnt see any of them for 2 weeks until they came home, so i suppose that has toughened me up somewhat (i know that sounds bloody hearltess for my kid but its the only way i can describe it really)
He was silently born as well at 8 months pregnant, so i never really knew him (this sounds heartless as well) but that has helped, i am not a big hard no emotion brute, i have cried and i even cried tonight whilst typing a reply to the its a girl thread, it still hits me every now and then (more than i care to admit tbh) and i am shedding tears now just typing this, so yes i do have emotions, i just tend to hide them well, even to the wife, which i dont really want to do but i have to try and stay strong for her, but sometimes i feel like such a ****.
We had bright eyes on at the funeral, i walked into a supermarket the day after, watership down on offer on DVD as soon as i walked in, I just had to buy it, my wife and 6 year old daughter (which i had to tell what happened, which is the worst thing i have ever had to do) watched it, both were cryijg their eyes out ans my daughter said to my wife "Mam, do i have to watch that again" wifes reply "no why" reply "its too sad i am going to hide it and never watch it again".
I thin even my 2 year old understands, she keeps crying and saying she is sad because ethan (that is what we named him) isnt here and she wants to see her baby brother, but in a way i think that is helping the Wife and I.
and bloody hell i must be pissed, i havnt even told my family any of this and i am pouring my heart out on a football forum lol
