Match Day Thread The Guaranteed 3 Points Man City Match Thread Of Almost Quite Plausible Inevitability

Welcome back for another edition of JPF does a Match Thread!

Thank you to all who contributed to the Chelsea match thread, I told you we'd get something I hope you won't all be such pessimistic miserable sods this time round... To help with this, I have added some new rules:

1. If you intend to bicker with a rival fan or a fellow Toon fan, please at least threaten to meet each other for a brawl. Preferably, don't be an inconsiderate ****er, please leave details of the time, date, venue and whether their will be adequate parking and food provided (unless one of you happens to be Jesus, in which case try not to use those superpowers during the fight)... We have lives you know, and if I end up being stuck in a deserted car-park with Less Hope bent over a Ford Fiesta again, I will not be happy.

2. If you really, really, REALLY have to talk about football, keep it short and sweet if possible.

3. Strictly no badgers.

4. Please state your allegiance to Mclaren early in the piece. Either be totally and viciously for or against him, none of this "we'll see" wishywashy behaviour ACS puts up with!

5. Remember at all times, it's only a game of football. A really important game. A game that makes your whole life worth living. A game that has got you out of ironing, folding clothes and all that other ****e your wife would make you do. A game that has, in one great moment of boarding and ****ing off to the great fantasy land of Des Lynam and a chronologically categorized **** bank collection (and they think we can't organise ), eviscerated the mere mention of what Susan is doing to Tiffany that Shelly and wor lass don't like, but David is like totes going to spill the ....zzzzzzzzzzz...... A game that you try not to think about during sex, because for some bizarre reason the thought of Ronaldo in little tight shorts running around in the blazing heat, sweating and getting a bit red, colliding violently with bare-stranger-man-flesh and jiggling his chorizo, makes the experience even quicker. That game.

Anyway, yes, Match Stats:

Venue: Etihad Stadium/City of Manchester Stadium (whatever they call it these days)
Time: 15:00
A Bit Of History For The Perverts: Since the two clubs were formed, Newcastle have played Manchester ****ty 183 times, winning 71 of those, drawing 38 times, and losing 64 times. Interesting to note, we have a 100% record against them whilst they were trading under "Ardwick", so if they change their name back they'll become a certain 6 points a season!
Last Season Fixture: 5-0 To ****ty... However... we did beat them 2-0 in the Capital One Cup... so it's basically in the bag guys.
JPF Prediction: Man ****ty 0 - 27 Newcastle United. Kids all over Manchester sob uncontrollably into their Kun Aguero branded tops while kids all over Gateshead and Tyneside internet bully them.

A quick addendum:

Adolf Badger, King of the Badgers, was recently deposed in the latest "democratic" elections by an elderly crank, Corbin Badger, who ironically appeals to Badger hipsters and won the vote with a last minute entry (that's the last time I talk about ACS' sexual exploits). More will follow on this news story.

A longer addendum:

Please vote on the above pointless poll. I will love you forever, or 17 seconds, whichever comes first (definitely will be me). Also, please describe any tatts you have or wish to get about our mighty BIG CLUB. Also, please feel free to gloat about how much higher in the table we are than Sunderland. In addition, nah, it's longer now I give up

 

If silva and kompany are still out we can grt something otherwise were ****ed

 

You heard it hear first, Panthro says Newcastle to win!

 

"3. Strictly no badgers."







"Adolf Badger, King of the Badgers, was recently deposed in the latest "democratic" elections by an elderly crank, Corbin Badger, who ironically appeals to Badger hipsters and won the vote with a last minute entry (that's the last time I talk about ACS' sexual exploits). More will follow on this news story."

 

Maybe a draw or outside chance of a win if kompany and silva are out.

 

Panthro confirms super-confidence in all three points

 

With such confidence pouring out of Panthro, it can only be a win, 1 - 2......
If only the club would employ Panthro as a Sports Psychologist, we'd be flying high with all these positive vibes

 

I'm not being either positive or negative its obvious to the eye that man city are not the same team without silva and kompany, hence we have an outside chance if we play well and they don't play.

 

****ing hell. Panthro bets his hairy arse in fenwicks window if Newcastle lose this one

ACS will be gutted he missed this one. Have to agree with Panty though, we should hump them

 

Heavy defeat.

 

Booooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

If Panthro says we'll be 8 up by half time, I'll believe him. He's always right

 

Weigh out your musli

 

You need to work on your Cockney rhyming slang for "We'll thrash Man City all day long", but at least I knew what you meant!

 

I really hope your soul uncoils itself from the dog turd its becoming

 

Of course you're being positive, to quote you, 'Maybe a draw or outside chance of a win' can only be defined as a bold positive statement.
No good going into denial mode, its too late...

.

 

JPF and Panthro on the road to a long and rewarding friendship. This day gets better and better! Let us celebrate our bromance with beers and anti-depressants after we Crush Citeh

 

I disagree it's just me making a statement.

You can see it either as positive or negative but I don't

 

I'm happy to stay friends, however im not going to tickle your ringpiece anylonger and I assure you the next stage will be full thrust.

 

I didn't comment on JPF's last masterpiece of a match thread and we played ok and got a decent result. In the interests of football superstition I will avoid commenting on this one too as it will almost certainly mean we will go back to losing ways....

 

**** - I didn't think that through